‘All it takes is one jerk to take that gun from me, in a fight or a fumble because I hesitate, or he’s just
quicker and turns it back to become my end instead of my protection. I would rather not tip the balance
of outcomes by carrying something that could be used on me, Alexi. It’s not me. I don’t want to walk
around always aware of that thing under my dress, always worried that I might have need of it because
it’s there. I know how my brain works, and if you make me walk around with it, I’m going to be a
nervous wreck, always fixating on the fact it’s there. Let’s be honest, in your world, danger aimed at me
is always going to be male and probably trained a lot better than I will ever be. It won’t be something
that keeps me safe. It will make me feel the exact opposite.’ It’s not really the speech I had prepared
last night because under that angry scrutiny of grey eyes piercing my skull it’s hard to think straight, but
it’s sort of the gist of what I decided—In a rushed effort to get it out before he explodes.
Alexi shakes his head angrily staring off across the car park, and I can tell he’s trying to curb an
outburst. He’s pissed at my reasoning, his jaw squaring and tightening as he grits his teeth. A sign he
doesn’t agree, but I am set on this. I don’t want it and I don’t want to carry something like that on me,
ever. I don’t let him verbalise it though. Best to get in before he starts a fight. Throw on the sweetener
and appeal to his smart part.
‘Look … If it’s a tossup between that hunk of metal or being flanked constantly by black-clothed
psychos you deem appropriate protection, then I’ll take the latter and give you no shit about it. Tie
Jackson to me for all I care. I would rather him than a gun and I’m not going to back down on this.’ I
exhale with the last words, relieved I got to say it and now wait with added tension for a reaction.
‘Until the first time you dodge him and take off on your own?’ He snaps at me, a throwback to me giving
Mico the slip in the Hamptons, and my stomach lurches at the peak of pissed off Carrero. Furious going
on under that seemingly calm expression but all his little signs are evident … Tense body, tensed jaw
and rolling storms in the depths of his grey eyes. That brain is hovering over his rage button being
flicked, and I need to tread very carefully. Appeal to his sane side. Something I always avoided before,
but realise now that outright defiance makes him flip so easily. Reasonable cajoling just makes him
simmer.
There are ways to handle him and I am slowly learning it makes a difference sometimes. Alexi isn’t as
complex as I used to think, he just requires someone to read his tells and avoid his triggers. Pander to
him a little. He has an ego, a bad temper and a need to be in control of all things. He hates being
undermined and I used to do it frequently. I see that now.
He’s a man child, a sinister, powerful one, but still … definitely a man child.
‘I promise you. I know this is for my protection, I won’t do that again. I know you only want me to be
safe and protected and the gun was for my own safety.’ I’m trying for submissive, soft tones and gentle
words, genuine soothing of his ruffled feathers. I lock eyes on his to show him I mean it, but he’s
moving on his feet, shifting; that need to expel energy brimming inside of him.
I can tell he has a whole lot going on in his head and he wants to tell me it’s his way or no way, yet
something is holding him back. I’m waiting on the eruption, but all I am getting is a very controlled, if not
angry Alexi and his inability to look directly at me. He keeps clenching and unclenching his jaw, his fist,
and staring across the park as though answers will magically appear before his eyes. Atmosphere thick
and tense between us as I stand and internally tremble in anticipation of the war I am predicting. Then
finally, he turns back to me.
‘Jackson will never leave your side; he will walk you to and from the fucking apartment morning, noon
and night. You come out here for air … he does too. You want to go upstairs mid-night for a fucking
aspirin, he goes too. You want to go get a bikini wax or a lingerie shopping trip then HE GOES TOO.’
He snarls it at me, voice raised angrily, rage clearly building at my refusal and as much as I’m taken
aback by just how venomous this topic has made him, I nod mutely.
Obedience. That’s what he wants right now.
Give him that!
If I spark at him, he will spark right back and this will explode between us. I’m too much of a fiery
person when he is this way, and he is a volatile person that I seem to be able to rile. I remain silent and
keep that innocent look on my face so as not to push him further.
Alexi throws himself into his seat without another word, just another filthy glare because I made him
mad, and he slams the door shut. I guess he decided getting away from me is the best thing for both of
us and I get out of the way, walking back across the park to the steps to give him space to leave.
A little happy at it though. Avoiding imminent death.
I can feel his eyes burning into me as he starts the purring motor with an aggressive roar, pulling out in
reverse to back up to face the gate at speed. He's pissed. He needs to simmer, but he agreed—which
is huge!!! I coerced the great dictator and I barely broke a sweat.
I think it’s the fact he had to back down and accept something against his wishes that has him madder
than hell, but it’s a little victory for me. I made Alexi back down and all it took was some gentle coaxing
instead of outright defiance. I should remember that in future. It may come in handy.
I glance back momentarily, something in my gut as the safety gate jerks and starts to automatically
slide open. Security watches from above to remotely trigger it for cars coming and going and I catch
movement in the bottom corner of my vision.
Right by the gate the little scrawny furball crawls out into the path of where Alexi is heading, and as he
pulls forward, eyes still on me, I panic. Action over thought and I literally jump into the path of his car
trying to leave the grounds and throw my arms in the air with a crazy squeal.
‘WAIT!’ I screech in sheer fear and hysteria as I try to protect that mangy, pitiful creature from certain
squishing.
Alexi slams on the breaks violently, car stopping millimetres in front of me abruptly, very dramatically,
and rips himself out of that seat like a tornado in a split second; A furious, venomous growl thrown my
way.
‘What the fuck are you doing?’ He roars at me as I throw my head round to see furball scurrying back
under the closest vehicle in fright and heave a sigh of relief. My body collapsing inwards and dissolving
into the shakes as adrenaline kicks my arse. His car is practically touching me.
‘You were going to run over Feral. You weren’t looking, you would have killed him.’ I gesture towards
Mico’s four by four breathlessly, where it’s cowering just under the bumper, and Alexi snaps his face to
look that way. Eyes scanning the ground as he searches for whatever the fuck a feral is, rage on his
face growing into a snarling, seething fury. His normally ivory skin turning a hue darker as blood boils
under the surface.
‘A FUCKING CAT? You made me almost hit you for a fucking cat!!!!’
Alexi is in full-blown hurricane mode and I recoil a little; definitely terrified of this complete and utter
combustion of that Italian temper.
‘I didn’t want you to kill it.’ Tears well up because he’s scaring me right now, memories of how much of
a cruel bastard he can be, and he just glares once more.
‘It’s a fucking stray; looks like killing it would be a kindness. I can’t believe you risked your life for a
mangy flea-bitten creature! GET OFF THE FUCKING ROAD.’ Alexi booms loudly and this time I move
fast, eyes full of moisture as my body starts to visibly shake and impulsively cry at him.
‘Stop yelling at me, you’re scaring me,’ I wail back tearfully, sobbing suddenly and overly sensitive and
emotional to his reaction. Alexi just turns volcanic.
‘If I wasn’t someone with fast reflexes, I would have hit you and you’re telling me to stop yelling at you!
Stop being so fucking dumb! I didn’t spend four months searching the country for you to fucking run
you over in my own car lot. Stay off the road, stay with Jackson, and stop pissing me off … and stop
fucking crying. I fucking hate it!’
He is the usual cold heartless prick he always has been, and I was wrong to think docile was his new
persona. Alexi is still a wanker, and through watery sniffs and acting like a wounded Hollywood diva, I
stick my fingers up at him in response to him being a complete tit-wank.
‘Go away. I don’t like you anymore,’ I answer childishly, turning on my heel with tears running down my
face as Alexi, yet again, aggressively chucks himself back in his car and takes off at neck-breaking
speed that makes his tyres squeal and leaves a black set of marks on the road.
I don’t stop to take a second look and storm into the lobby and slam the outer door; hating him for
making me cry.
I’m in the club sitting at one of the booths and looking through all the papers I have been sorting all day
on the table in front of me, when Alexi reappears. He’s been gone for hours, most of the day, and I
have been on tenterhooks waiting for his reappearance. Knowing he left in a rage and worried about
the backlash I know is coming from making him furious.
I am doing my best to ignore Joanne … she’s fluffing around. Coming up and down to update me on
the calls she’s making and how many of our clientele have renewed membership. She’s been at it all
afternoon and just pissing me off endlessly. Her face just irritates me and the knowledge she has had
sex with Alexi makes me despise the very air she breathes. I just cannot get over the grudge against
her that she was used to both hurt and replace me, and then ruined my club.
Alexi looks over at me as he walks in, like a homing pigeon, and I swear the air sizzles between us
instantly. He has an unreadable expression but I can still tell he’s pissed from the tight set of his face
and his rigid posture. My heart sinks down to my toes and my stomach churns over in angst.
I guess I’m going to find out if punishing me is a boundary he will adhere to after this. I know he likes to
simmer and think up heinous ways to make me suffer for annoying him, and this will be a true test of
whether our relationship ends today. I feel sick with the thought I might be about to throw it all away,
again. I won’t stay if he crosses that line again.
Never again!
He’s dressed in a t-shirt and jeans, over trainers now, gym clothes gone and even though he looks
casual and almost human, that air of psycho is cloaking him. He carries that danger around with him so
effortlessly.
Mico appears behind him, dressed casually too, similar outfit and I wonder if he was at the training
session with him. It’s rare to see those two dressed out of the Mafia uniform on any given day and
never at the same time. Mico smiles my way and I wave back softly, a hint of one on my lips that I am
not really feeling when all I can focus on is the heavy thud of my heart.
I’m tense, bristling with nerves and my insides are doing a good impersonation of a washing machine,
now he’s here. Alexi glares and turns his back on me and heads to the bar as though dismissing me
somehow, and I hate that it causes a little spike of pain in my stomach. The room instantly feels smaller
and suffocating.
The staff are polishing glasses and restocking the imported booze that arrived today, speciality brands
for specific members, and milling around aimlessly.
‘Give me an ice water,’ Alexi commands, loud enough that I can hear him from here as the tender
jumps to action and I bury my face back in my file. Pretending I’m fine and not fully aware of him and
his every movement.
Joanne appears almost like a bad smell and immediately hones on our returning Lothario, making a
bee line for him instead of me, with the papers in her hand. I can practically smell her desperation to
get some attention from him.
She gets to his side as he slides onto a bar stool and beams at him adoringly. Sticking her tits out and
pasting on a demure pouty look as she sidles alongside him sickeningly.
I roll my eyes and try not to watch, stomach tying itself in knots and not comfortable witnessing this little
encounter. I hated watching him with her before and now it’s unbearable, not knowing what she has
been to him for the past few months.
‘Alexi, hey … I have the new final list of all the members who are staying with us in the overhaul. It’s
looking busy.’ She sounds perky and upbeat and is close enough to sit on his lap. Despite myself I
can’t help glancing up over my folder to look, aching with internal pain and yet unable to pull away.
Alexi picks up his glass of water and takes a drink carefully, eyes on the bar and not her, a long slow
pause before he turns her way coolly.
‘And?’ It’s the sarcastic cold tone that used to be reserved for me every time I dared to intrude on him,
and she falters a little. Her smile drops and cheeks flush with a hit of embarrassment, and she tries
again.
‘I thought you might want to know or see which ones are still on the list. They are your clients after all.’
She waves the paper as though for him to take, smile looking more manic than genuine now, and he
just narrows a colder gaze on her; Locking that deathly chill of his on his prey.
‘Your boss is right over there. She’s the one you tell this to. And my name is Mr Carrero.’ He leans in,
saying it so calmly, coldly, precisely, that tone that still gives me goosebumps and points at me without
looking my way. I sit very stiffly, poised and listening intently.
‘Right! I … umm.’ Joanne is nervous, melting into her own shitty shoes and looking like a kitten about to
break. Fumbling with the paper and yet it gives me a weird feeling.
Seeing him still so cold and cut off and able to intimidate a woman without remorse is confusing me all
the more. He is not this way with me now, even when I am annoying him.
‘Why are you still standing here?’ Alexi is still staring her down and she fails to answer with any real
words, just a stuttering mess of incoherent garble comes out; Nerves getting to her as she buckles
under the intimidation of Carrero. She never stood a chance with someone like him, and it makes me
feel smug to know it. Although I didn’t fare any better last time around.
‘Go away. You’re annoying me.’ He raises a brow at her, that look that could level any woman to ashes
and it dawns on me that he hasn’t changed at all, in any way, shape or form.
Seeing it used on someone else is like having my eyes opened, more so to the fact that Alexi has
changed towards me alone.
It’s still there, that cold indifference and not giving a shit about hurting some mere female, even one he
has slept with and used. Joanne is crumbling at his feet and gets away from him fast, eyes welling up
with moisture and her skin staining hues of red, leaving him to turn back to his water without a second
look. Mico’s non-reaction beside him makes me look about the room in question.
The staff, Mico, even Jackson hovering by the tables nearby, no one bats an eyelid at how he just
treated her. Even though it was brutal and appalling—Just like they never did when he treated me that
way either. Kingpin treating an insignificant minion in any way he saw fit … Typically nasty and cruel.
Alexi hasn’t reformed or changed and this behaviour isn’t a surprise to them because it’s normal for
him. And always has been. They are used to it.
I blink at his back and think about this for a moment.
He’s not changed in any way, except towards me.
As I hear Mico laugh and look up again I can see Alexi smiling genuinely towards him, amused over
something and completely unconcerned about what just took place. His relaxed features and dimples
on full show, oblivious to my watching him. Mico says something and Alexi nods, shoves him in the
shoulder playfully and then taps the bar with his thumbs in a really weirdly casual gesture as though
playing an invisible drum, pulling his feet up to the rung of the seat so he can hunch forward and lean
on the bar like any normal guy. He looks so far removed from Mafia Boss right now.
Joanne has done one, bolted back upstairs in humility instead of bringing the file to me, thankfully, and
I just cannot tear my eyes or mind away from him.
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