Chapter 51 - A Sweet Burden
Translated by Eve
Edited by Kara
16. A Sweet Burden
Once you’ve lost someone’s trust and let down their expectations, any warm words would only be regarded as lies.
Deng Jingwen’s expression was pained as he gently held the boy.
Xie He, however, began to struggle with all his might. He was extremely agitated, “Don’t touch me, don’t touch me! Don’t touch me!”
His face was full of tears as he cried hysterically. There was helplessness and despair in his cries as if he had finally fallen apart, “Don’t touch me…why do you have to like me…why do you have to like me…I’m already ugly, really ugly…wuwu….”
Xie He struggled too fiercely. Deng Jingwen was afraid that he would hurt himself, so he had no choice but to let go. His voice was choked with pain, “I won’t touch you. Don’t be agitated. I won’t force you again.”
Xie He curled up, eyes red. He stared at him with a vigilant and fearful gaze, trembling.
The hand hanging by Deng Jingwen’s side clenched, and he said, “Don’t be afraid. I’ll leave.”
Deng Jingwen left the room and leaned against the wall. He raised his head so that he was staring at the ceiling. He felt that his eyes were somewhat wet, but he didn’t cry any tears. Actually, he was in a lot of pain, but he couldn’t cry, he couldn’t scream, he couldn’t fall apart, he couldn’t show weakness…this was probably Heaven’s punishment for him—to have to remain calm and persevere on, so as to atone for his sins.
Who knew for how long….
From the room, a “crash” suddenly sounded.
Deng Jingwen quickly pushed the door open. He saw that the bowl on the table had been smashed apart. The boy was using a broken shard from the bowl to slash his wrists! Lots of blood was flowing out! The blood on the floor made Deng Jingwen furious. The scene of when he had found the boy replayed in his mind. Just a bit more and he would lose the boy forever!
He rushed over and grabbed the shard out of the boy’s hands! He clenched it tightly in his hand, and didn’t care in the least as the shard cut into his own flesh. He saw the boy trying to grab another shard on the ground. Thus, he grabbed the boy by the waist and forcefully dragged him away.
Xie He struggled like his life depended on it, but he couldn’t free himself this time. He cried, “Sir, you don’t need to care about a pet like me. My face won’t get better, so there’s no point in keeping me, really….”
Deng Jingwen’s lips trembled, “Don’t say that….”
Xie He’s body froze. The next moment, a fawning smile appeared on that face that was still wet with tear streaks, “Sorry…Sir, I was wrong. Don’t punish me, OK? I won’t say stuff like that anymore….”
Deng Jingwen lowered his head and stared at the boy in his arms. The boy was crying but then would start laughing hysterically. He would first struggle and then lower his head suddenly, begging for forgiveness with a fearful and fawning manner.
He finally had no choice but to admit that to the boy, he was only an existence that would cause him pain. That same pain was driving the boy mad, driving him towards death.
How could he bear to let the boy continue being in such pain? The one who should bear this pain…was himself.
How could he continue to possess the boy out of his own selfishness, out of his unwillingness to let go….How could he push the boy into desperate straits again, how could he make the same mistake once more…? Deng Jingwen shut his eyes in pain.
Fresh blood dripped down from his fingers onto the floor. However, he was completely unaware of this. He parted his lips, voice full of sadness and grief.
“I don’t like you anymore. I’ll let you go.”
【Ding. The target, Deng Jingwen’s Favourability Value +2. The current Favourability Value is 96.】
When Deng Jingwen said this, his heart felt like it was leaking blood with each word. However, compared to watching helplessly as the boy suffered, everything else became insignificant, including his own pain. Therefore, he was willing to protect the boy silently instead, to never appear before him again.
“I’ll let you go. First, get your wound redressed,” Deng Jingwen said.
When he heard his reply, the boy suddenly became calm. He no longer fussed. Only, he looked rather absent-minded as if he didn’t dare believe that this pleasant surprise would have arrived so abruptly. He was dumbfounded.
Deng Jingwen let go and went to summon the doctor. He forced himself not to look back.
Because Xie He had yet to fully recovered, the doctor was staying in the Deng residence. Therefore, he came very quickly. Since Deng Jingwen was able to stop him in time, Xie He’s wounds on his wrist were not deep, so they stopped bleeding rather quickly. They were then wrapped in a layer of white gauze.
Deng Jingwen then carried the boy again. He was silent for a while before taking him into the guest room, expression indifferent, “Before you recover, you stay here, ba.”
The guest room was incomparable to Deng Jingwen’s master bedroom, but the boy seemed to finally relax. He nodded lovably and stared at Deng Jingwen cautiously.
Deng Jingwen turned around. He could not hide the pain in his eyes…his boy wanted to leave him so badly. He was afraid that if he looked at him any longer, he would back out of his decision….
Since Deng Jingwen had said “I don’t like you anymore, I’ll let you leave,” he really no longer appeared before Xie He.
Xie He shut himself in that little room everyday. He passed his days in much satisfaction.
【Xie He：I’m finally out of Dad’s sight. See, when a parent cares too much about their child, it’s also a kind of sweet burden, ah. 】He lamented. Xie He was eating good food while watching a movie. He even poured himself a glass of red wine.
【444：(⊙o⊙) Oh, is that right?】
【Xie He：Baby, it couldn’t be that you’ve never had someone care for you? Smile.JPG】
【444：I’m just a system….】
【Xie He：Call me Dad. I’ll come and love you. :)】
【444：╭(╯^╰)╮】Although he was just a system, he knew that Host dada was trying to take advantage of him! He won’t be fooled, ne!
【Xie He：When I think about how I have to leave Dad’s embrace for a short period of time, I really feel a bit regretful. Smile.JPG】
【444：Say…why aren’t you willing to have your face treated?】Host dada loves this face so much that even when he’s in a life-or-death situation, he doesn’t forget to take a selfie…and yet, he unexpectedly is able to bear with having this scar on his face every day. _(:зゝ∠)_
【Xie He：Baby, men are forgetful creatures. Even if he makes many more mistakes, there will always be a day where the memory fades or becomes forgotten. As time passes, his regret and guilt will lessen. This is inevitable. With that said, I can slow that process.】
【Xie He：This scar will always remind him of what he did to me. It will make him unable to let go of the remorse he feels towards me. He will forever blame himself and suffer, thereby constantly solidifying his love for me. It was so difficult for me to get this scar, how could I let it go? :)】
【444：……】
A week later, after the doctor helped Xie He change his dressing again, Deng Jingwen came to see him.
Deng Jingwen swept his gaze over Xie He, pain flashing through his eyes. He handed a folder to him and said, “You can leave.”
Xie He looked at him inquiringly. He grabbed the folder and opened it up to take a look. There was a deed, car keys, and a check…his expression instantly turned fearful as if he was holding a hot potato.
Deng Jingwen noticed this. He tried his best to keep his voice cold and calm, “I never treat people who have been with me unfairly. You have spent quite a long time with me. This is compensation for the break up. Take it. Don’t think too much. Even if it was someone else, I’d give them the same. You’re not special.”
These words made Xie He instantly calm. He did not get agitated. He lowered his head, eyelashes fluttering. When he thought that he was going to leave his home, finally free himself of here, he suddenly felt sad.
This was the home that he had grown up in. Now, he had to leave…but not as Deng Jingwen’s son but as a spurned toy.
Xie He fell silent for a moment, “Sir…can I not take these things and take something else instead?”
Deng Jingwen’s fingers slightly curled. He really wanted to ask, What will you do if you leave without these things, where will you live, what will you eat, do you even have money to use… but he didn’t dare express any concern. He could only suppress his emotions and ask, “Are you sure?”
Xie He nodded without any hesitation.
Deng Jingwen stared at him and then said, “OK. What do you want to take?”
Xie He went to the storehouse in the backyard. The storehouse in that corner had already been unused for a long time. The lock was spotted with rust…the last time it had been opened was when they had cleaned out Xie He’s bedroom. All the things that had originally been in his room had been thrown in there. They were all haphazardly thrown in, so it resembled a garbage heap.
He was very glad that this heap of garbage hadn’t been thrown away though. Xie He was not afraid of getting dirty. He directly burrowed in and began to search. Very soon, he found a model that had been crushed on one corner.
The model was a little house. It had three bedrooms and a flower garden in front. On top, there was a big person and a little person. This was not a very rare thing. However, it was very special to him….When he was young, he was really stupid. He didn’t even build this toy house correctly. That time, when Deng Jingwen returned, he casually helped him fix it. At that time, Xie He was ecstatic. He said that, This is Dad, this is me, we are a family….
In his memories, aside from the cold money, cars, and luxury goods…this was the only time Deng Jingwen had personally helped him.
He had switched cars many times, but this little toy house had always been carefully treasured by him.
Now that he had to leave home…this was the only thing he wanted to take with him.
A nostalgic expression appeared in Xie He’s eyes. He looked serene like he was gazing far in the distance. He said to Deng Jingwen, “Sir, I only want to take this with me.”
Deng Jingwen looked at the toy house that the boy held in his arms like it was a treasure. That toy house was already crushed in one area. It looked filthy and wasn’t worth anything. However, the boy treated it so carefully. In his eyes, cars, houses, and cheques were nowhere near as precious as this thing. They could not give him as much joy as this toy. Since it was like this, why bother insisting?
Deng Jingwen didn’t remember at all why the boy cared about this toy house model. He thought that it was a bit familiar, but he could not recall it. Therefore, it must have not been that important. In any case, as long as the boy liked it, all was fine. Therefore, he said, “Alright. You take it with you, ba.”
The boy left after that. After walking quite a distance, the boy suddenly turned around and glanced at Deng Jingwen. After such a long time, the boy finally smiled. Although his face was no longer beautiful, this smile still caused ripples within Deng Jingwen’s heart.
The boy smiled, “Thank you.”
Deng Jingwen did not move. He only stood there, watching as the boy slowly disappeared from his line of sight. He was afraid that if he took even one step forward, he would be unable to bear it and would sprint over to hug the boy, kiss him, tell him…that he loved him, that he wished that he would stay.
But if he did that, he would only build his happiness atop of the boy’s suffering once more.
Deng Jingwen stood there for a very long time. Only after much time had passed did he make a call to arrange for what would come next. The boy didn’t want his money, but he didn’t have any survival skills. It would definitely be difficult for him to go out on his own. Although he had let him go, he also could not bear to watch the boy be too dejected. He could only think of another way to take care of the boy, a way that would not give him away.
And so, Xie He carried his toy house and left the Deng Residence.
【444：Host dada, what are we going to do now~】He was already no longer as fretful as he was in the past. Although they’d left the estate, Host dada certainly must have a way to make Deng Jingwen chase after him. He felt completely at ease following this kind of Host dada! \(≧▽≦)/
【Xie He：Mix it with sauce, and serve it cold.】
【444：Yiyiyi ( ⊙ o ⊙ ) Ah!】It couldn’t be that Host dada doesn’t have a plan this time?!
【Xie He：Even if I’m an idiot, Deng Jingwen can ensure that I live very well. First, let’s let him calm down. I will teach him how to be an appropriate, good father. :)】
Xie He aimlessly walked around.
After leaving the Deng Family without his identity as Deng Zhuo, he was like a person who had never existed.
He probably had no future too.
Because of the scar on his face, it was inevitable that passerbys would point at him. Xie He tried to evade their gazes. He felt inferior. All along the way, he lowered his head as he walked. As a result, he bumped into a middle-aged woman in his haste. The coffee in her hand spilled onto herself.
Xie He looked at her, panicked, “S-sorry….”
The woman was about to get angry, but when she saw how Xie He looked like a frightened little animal, she suddenly gave him a sympathetic look, “Forget it. I’m fine.”
“Oh, thank you,” Xie He said gratefully.
However, the woman continued to look at Xie He. When he was about to leave, she suddenly shouted, “Hey, child, where are you going?”
Xie He stared at her, stunned. He didn’t speak but began to shake.
The woman’s expression softened, and she sighed, “Do you have nowhere to go?”
Xie He pursed his lips, eyes red.
Thus, Xie He was taken in by the woman. She had been divorced for many years. She ran a cafe on her own. Her only child was no longer by her side. She said to Xie He, “My name is Yu Yu. Business here is all right. Usually, it’s not very busy. Help me out around here, and I’ll give you a place to live and three meals a day, OK?”
Xie He looked at her gratefully, “Yes.”
Yu Yu nodded and did not say anything more. She directly took Xie He to his living quarters. It was just a simple room. Even the washroom was outside in the corridor. There was not much in the room: just a desk and bed. She gave him a bit of an explanation, telling Xie He that he began work at 9 am, and then left.
As soon as she left, Yu Yu answered a phone call. From her phone came Liu Yan’s voice, “Is it done? Did he agree to stay?”
“He agreed. He’s quite the good child,” Yu Yu paused, voice a bit hesitant, “You…what do you want me to do? He’s already so pitiful.”
Although she had been arranged to get close to Xie He, when she saw the boy’s quiet and timid appearance…if that face didn’t have that scar, he would probably be beautiful…she already couldn’t bear to see him get hurt again.
Liu Yan said, “Relax, we won’t hurt him. You just have to take good care of him. Don’t let him find out that something is amiss, and that’s it.”
Xie He sat on the bed, expression slightly distressed. He was really a bit distressed, because he couldn’t hide away and secretly eat good food while watching films. To not be given any privacy was so inhumane.
【Xie He：Baby, how many surveillance cameras are there here?】
【444：Two surveillance cameras. One is mounted on the ceiling lamp and the other at the door. There are also five tapping devices…oh, this is such a small room that using one and using five wouldn’t make much of a difference though. _(:зゝ∠)_】
【Xie He：I understand. Dad is truly a control freak. 🙂 】
Xie He placed the toy house onto the small desk and fixed his eyes on it. Slowly, a reminiscent and warm smile appeared on his face as if he was immersed in some beautiful dream. His smile was even happy and sweet.
His voice was soft, “Dad….”
He arranged the two figurines that had been a bit squished so that they were facing each other.
“Dad, you said that this was you and me, remember?”
“This is our house. This room is yours, and this one is mine. We also have a garden, and you’d play with me in the garden. This is ours, ne….”
Xie He spoke and spoke, tears eventually falling down.
“Dad…fortunately, I still have you with me. I know that you’ll always be by my side….”
Eve: ….*sobs*. If Xie He! Deng Zhuo was my son I would shower him with maternal affection, this poor baby.
Kara: WHO IS CUTTING ONIONS HERE!!?? ˚‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥᷄⌓˂̣̣̥᷅ )‧º·˚ Yu Yu, please treat my baby well!! He’s been through too much already!!