Chapter 156 - President Xie Teaches You How to Be a Big Brother
Translated by Eve
Edited by Serefina
14. President Xie Teaches You How to Be a Big Brother
Han Wenqian felt his blood run cold. A sudden chill invaded his body, causing his reaction to become sluggish.
Xie He seemed unaware. He wrapped his arms around Han Wenqian, snuggling in closely. He pasted his lips against Han Wenqian’s ears and said with a smile, “Ge, why aren’t you saying anything? Say yes, OK…?”
Han Wenqian stared at Xie He, body frozen…. The young man’s face still had on a radiant smile and was speaking to him in a pleasant tone he hadn’t heard in a long while. Everything was so beautiful.
But he knew that underneath this beauty laid an utter mess. A mess created by him… he had finally thoroughly destroyed the other…. He had broken the other in body and in spirit.
Xie He noticed that Han Wenqian hadn’t spoken and a sliver of worry and fear arose in his black eyes. He timidly said, “Ge, what’s wrong? Did…I make you angry?”
Didn’t you tell me that I would have to pay if I wanted something? Am I not doing it right?
A long time later, Han Wenqian shut his eyes. He reached out to slowly pull Xie He’s arms off of him. His stern face had no expression. He opened his lips, a cool voice coming out. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I’m the one in the wrong.”
I shouldn’t have let myself indulge in thinking that I was allowed to love you. Actually, I had already lost the right to love you a long time ago.
It is I who turned you into this. But don’t worry, I won’t let you be lonely. I will use the rest of my life to atone for my sins. No matter what you become…I will always be with you…in hell.
Xie He blinked, eyelashes quivering. He said softly, “But you look really scary….”
Han Wenqian wanted to comfort the young man in his arms but he didn’t move in the end. He only said, “Don’t be afraid, I’m not mad.”
He dressed himself and then helped dress Xie He. He then said, “I just remembered that there was something I have to do. You should sleep first.”
After saying this, he left.
It was already midnight. Han Wenqian stood in the corridor outside the hospital room. He swiped his thumb under the corner of his eye. It seemed like something was trying to force its way out of his eye socket but couldn’t come out.
Xie He watched as Han Wenqian left, nervous. He hadn’t managed to get Han Wenqian’s answer. He fell asleep with worries on his mind.
When he woke up the next day, Han Wenqian was still in his hospital room, ready to take care of him. Han Wenqian personally fed him. He then prepared to leave when he saw that it was time. Xie He had been thinking about the matter for all of last night. Seeing that Han Wenqian was about to leave, he promptly reached out to grab onto Han Wenqian’s arm with both hands. He stammered, “Ge…are you leaving? I don’t want to be away from you….”
Han Wenqian could see the look of anticipation in Xie He’s eyes. When he heard that soft voice, he only felt cold and empty. Emotions no longer rippled through his heart. He knew what the other wanted. What Xie He was willing to sell his body, sell his emotions, sell his dignity for, it could only be one thing….
When Xie He saw that Han Wenqian wasn’t reacting, he flashed him a fawning smile. “Will you agree to what we talked about last night…?”
Han Wenqian threw Xie He’s hands off without a word. He said, “I’ll be back tonight.” After saying this, he left and let the nurse in.
Xie He watched as Han Wenqian left decisively. His eyes turned gloomy.
The day nurse took care of Xie He as usual. However, Xie He, who was usually quiet and obedient—to the point of being a bit wooden and slow— acted out of character. He was very irascible. When Han Wenqian wasn’t around, his temper flared. He wasn’t willing to eat properly and overturned several bowls of food.
The nurse didn’t dare force Xie He. She could only try to persuade him nicely. However, Xie He was clearly intent on being very unreasonable and fretful.
【Xie He：Ai….】
【444：Host dada, are you in a bad mood? _(:зゝ∠)_】
【Xie He：When I think about how I won’t be getting any sex in the near future, I just can’t find it in myself to conjure up any interest. Although that method was good, Gege won’t fall for it a second time. Sigh.JPG】
【444：……】
【Xie He：Gege still doesn’t know how to love me. There’s no helping it. I can only guide him. 🙂 】
【444：……】
………………………………
Although Han Wenqian wasn’t around, he still paid attention to everything Xie He did. Therefore, he had seen everything Xie He had done in his hospital room. The young man, who was gentle and compliant in front of him, was now beginning to turn into a temperamental, violent person when out of sight….
But Han Wenqian knew that the young man was not like this at his core. His younger brother used to be such a good, gentle, and kindhearted child…. Whenever he recalled the past, the cruel contrast with the present would turn into a sharp knife, ruthlessly cutting Han Wenqian’s heart to pieces.
But he could not give up. He had to collect the pieces of his heart back together and continue to atone for his sins. He could not cowardly escape on his own.
When Han Wenqian returned to the hospital, he didn’t go straight to Xie He. He first went to see Xie He’s attending physician and psychologist.
The attending physician said that Xie He had mostly recovered. With regards to symptoms, it was mostly just his cravings that posed an issue. The hospital could not do anything more for him. The psychologist also said that the hospital was not a conducive place for Xie He’s recovery. His mental state was terrible. Perhaps returning to a familiar place would help his recovery. He proposed that Han Wenqian take Xie He home for the remainder of his treatment. Moreover, it would be good for him to see his friends more.
Han Wenqian earnestly accepted their advice. He then returned to Xie He’s room. He paused at the door for a moment before taking in a deep breath and slowly pushing the door open.
The nurse inside was currently trying to feed Xie He but Xie He was being very uncooperative. He kept telling her to get out. The nurse felt very helpless. When she saw that Han Wenqian had arrived, she looked at him like he was her saviour. She immediately stood up respectfully. “President Han.”
Han Wenqian nodded. “You can stop. I’ll take over.”
The nurse immediately put the bowl down and left.
When Xie He heard the nurse say ‘President Han’, his body froze. He slowly turned, a fawning smile now plastering his lips. He said, “Ge…you’re back.”
Han Wenqian walked over to look at the untouched dinner. He picked it up and asked Xie He, “Not to your liking?”
Xie He shook his head, “No&#k2026;”
Han Wenqian didn’t ask again. He gently scooped up the food and fed Xie He. In front of Han Wenqian, Xie He was very well-behaved. Very soon, he finished the bowl of food. He then said to Han Wenqian in a lovable voice, “I’m full.”
Han Wenqian gave him a faint smile and nodded. “That’s good.”
Xie He looked at Han Wenqian. He really couldn’t suppress his desire anymore. He stammered, “Ge…you still haven’t given me an answer since last night. I know that you treat me the best, so you will say yes, right…?”
There was an imperceptible, suppressed pain in the the depths of Han Wenqian’s eyes. However, he appeared very calm on the outside. He didn’t respond to Xie He’s question and stood up, taking the garbage with him.
Unease and impatience flitted through Xie He’s face. He began to take off his clothes but his fingers were not very deft. He tugged at his garments for a long time but could not undo his buttons. Therefore, he decided not to bother with them. He directly pulled down his pants just as Han Wenqian returned.
Han Wenqian had only left for a short while. When he returned, he saw Xie He sitting there, his long, slender legs gently swaying on the side of the bed. When Xie He saw that he had come back, he jumped off the bed and walked towards him barefoot. There was a resplendent smile on his pretty face, like he didn’t think his actions were vulgar or shameful at all.
Xie He reached out to loop his arms around Han Wenqian’s neck, rubbing his face against Han Wenqian’s chin. His voice was soft, “Ge, let’s do it. I want you….”
Han Wenqian’s expression twisted. He suddenly carried Xie He to the bed and put the other’s pants back on, ignoring Xie He’s resistance. He pressed Xie He’s wrists down and lowered his head to stare into the other’s eyes. “I won’t give you the drugs.”
Xie He could make out the determination in Han Wenqian’s eyes. When he heard the irrefutable tone of the other’s voice, he replied in disappointment, fear, and anxiety, “I’ll sleep with you, ah. I’ll listen to your every word. I’ll do anything, so just give it to me, OK…?”
Han Wenqian felt as if countless knives flowed through his veins, constantly pricking him. He endured the piercing pain and stressed, “As long as I live, I will never give it to you.”
When Xie He heard this, he dropped the act. He glared at the other in rage. The originally pretty and charming face turned sinister and terrifying. He began to struggle, his voice sharp. “Why?! I’ve already given you my body, so why won’t you give it to me?! I’ve already paid that price, ah. Didn’t you say that I had to pay if I wanted something?!
“Just what do you want? Tell me! Whatever it is, I’ll give it to you!”
Han Wenqian held Xie He tightly in his arms, subduing Xie He’s flailing. No matter how Xie He cursed or begged or cried, it was of no use. Not until Xie He stopped struggling did Han Wenqian gently lay him on the bed. He brushed the other’s messy hair from his face and gently said, “You will get better. I’ll take you home tomorrow.”
Xie He was drained of all his strength. He glared at Han Wenqian with hatred in his eyes and spat out in a bitter, hoarse voice, “You said you loved me. You said you’d treat me well. You were just lying…you just want to see me suffer.”
Han Wenqian placed a soft kiss on Xie He’s forehead and said, “Sleep. Go to bed early.”
Xie He was extremely angry. He felt like this person was firm like a stubborn rock one moment, and yielding like air in the next. No matter what he did, the other would calmly take it all in and move on. His expression wouldn’t even change. This made Xie He feel desperate and powerless.
In the end, he fell asleep when the exhaustion took over.
Han Wenqian watched Xie He’s eyes close. The other’s breath became even. His gaze was full of deep emotions as he stared at the other’s face. He then mouthed: I love you.
……………………………………
The next morning, Xie He was woken up by Han Wenqian. Han Wenqian had brought him a change of clothes. He said with a smile, “Let’s go home.”
As he said this, he helped Xie He change out of his hospital gown. The young man looked alright, if one ignored his bandaged hands. He just looked a little pale and weak. Han Wenqian gazed at him longingly. After some time, he continued to help pack Xie He’s things.
Xie He was silent the entire time. He regarded Han Wenqian with a cold look in his eyes. From his perspective, this was imprisonment. The other was a demon who would not allow him any joy or let him have an easy time. He hated yet feared him.
Han Wenqian’s heart ached to the point of turning numb from being stared at by Xie He with such a cold gaze. However, he still wore a smile on his lips. He led Xie He by the hand. “You haven’t come home for a long time. Mom and Dad really missed you. When they heard that you were coming home today, they asked me when we’d be back many times.”
Xie He sneered, “I see.”
Han Wenqian rubbed his head and said, “Let’s go.”
He cast his eyes down as pain flashed through them. No one could see any of the young man’s previous beauty anymore. It was like he had changed from the inside out, becoming an unfamiliar person. All that was left after his destruction were the ashes.
Xie He sat in the car with no expression. He let Han Wenqian put his seatbelt on for him.
Very soon, they arrived home. When Mother Han had heard that Xie He would be coming home today, she had instructed the helpers to tidy his room. She also had the kitchen make Xie He’s favourite dishes.
Mother and Father Han worried about Xie He’s condition, but they didn’t show any hurt or sad expressions on their faces. They only showed him caring, gentle smiles. They looked as carefree and relaxed as they had in the past. The only difference was that, during dinner, Han Wenqian, who usually sat in front of Xie He, now sat to his right and would patiently feed him.
Mother and Father Han didn’t mention Xie He’s hands. They pretended that everything was normal.
Mother Han smiled and said, “It’s been so long since Xiao Xin came home. When you’re not home, it feels like something’s missing.”
Father Han nodded silently and then said, “It’s good that you’re back.”
Xie He ate silently, not uttering a word. His gaze was vacant. When he finished, he stood up and quietly said, “I’m going upstairs.”
Mother Han covered up the sadness in her eyes and smiled. “Go. You should rest early since you just came home today.”
Xie He made a sound of acknowledgement and went upstairs.
He returned to his room. This bedroom had sky blue wallpaper, and white, European-styled furniture. There was a fluffy rug on the floor. It had a warm, clean, sunshine-like aesthetic…. This was the place in which he had lived for over a decade. This was his home but everything felt unfamiliar to him now.
It felt like it had been a whole lifetime since he last came here.
Xie He took a look around. His room didn’t seem to have changed much. But when he took a closer look, he realized that anything sharp or anything that could pose a danger to him had been removed. He curled his lips into a self-deprecating smile. Han Wenqian was so cautious.
Xie He spent several quiet days at home after coming back. He never took a step out the door. If he wasn’t in his room, he would be in the garden out back. Most of the time, he was silent.
He had visited every room in the house except for the piano room opposite his bedroom. He never entered it, not even once. He didn’t even push the door open…. What he had been most passionate about had once been within that room but now, he treated it like it didn’t exist. It was like he had completely dug it out of his life.
Han Wenqian would frequently accompany Xie He and speak to him, even though Xie He would never reply. He never got fed up. He always acted the part of a good big brother who cherished his younger brother.
That night, when Xie He was sleeping in his room, a difficult-to-endure craving once again arose within him. These endless days felt like another kind of torture, one he could not free himself from…. He suddenly sat up in bed and pulled open a drawer of his bedside drawer. After searching for a while, he found a business card.
This was Zhou Yuebin’s card. Back then, when Zhou Yuebin had given it to him, he had casually thrown it into this drawer. He had then forgotten about it…. He hadn’t thought that he would one day use it. If it were Zhou Yuebin, he would definitely be willing to give it to him…. A crazed look flashed through Xie He’s eyes. He pulled out his phone and input the numbers in. However, before the call went through, the door to his room was suddenly pushed open!
Han Wenqian’s large, shadowed figure entered his room. He walked over in large strides and tore the phone and business card out of Xie He’s hands!
He ripped the card into millions of pieces, letting the shreds of paper fall to the ground. His hands were shaking. He stared at Xie He, who was now screaming at him, with a far-away look in his eyes. He then held Xie He tightly in his arms!
Xie He glared at Han Wenqian in fury. “Give me back my phone! If you won’t give it to me, I’ll find someone else! Zhou Yuebin will definitely be willing to give it to me!”
Han Wenqian wrapped his arms tightly around Xie He’s waist and spoke into his ears. “He won’t give it to you. He won’t dare.”
Xie He said, “You—”
Han Wenqian stared at Xie He, gaze dimming. He slowly said, “I’ve said it once before. As long as I live, don’t you think of getting drugs from anyone.”
Xie He shrieked in resentment, “Then you should just go die!”
Han Wenqian’s face paled. His lips pressed into a tight line.
Xie He struggled, beating his fists against him. He tore at Han Wenqian. “Go die, go die, go die, go die!”
Han Wenqian shut his eyes. He let Xie He pound against him. Xie He’s ruthless curses echoed in his ears….
I’m sorry…It’s not that I don’t want to die, it’s just that if I die, what will happen to you…?
I’m worried about you.
【Ding, the target Han Wenqian’s Favourability Value +1. The current Favourability Value is 99.】
Xie He couldn’t do anything to Han Wenqian. In the end, he somehow managed to fall asleep.
Han Wenqian carefully put Xie He to bed. He covered him up and then gently stroked Xie He’s soft hair. He sat there, watching Xie He sleep that night. It was only just before the sun rose did he quietly leave.
Xie He opened his eyes and stared at the other’s back with an indifferent look.
【Xie He：It’s about time to leave. I can finally put an end to these boring days. Smile.JPG】
【444：(⊙o⊙) I see.】
【Xie He：Although it’s nice having someone take care of all my needs, I see no future in a love without sex. 🙂 】
【444：……】
……………………………………………
Two days later, the house suddenly became lively. Mother Han knocked on Xie He’s door. She smiled at him. “Xiao Xin, your classmates have come to visit you.”
Xie He had been spacing out in his room. When he heard the word ‘classmates,’ nervousness and fear flashed quickly through his eyes. He recalled what a sorry state he had been when he had left school back then. His face paled. He wasn’t willing to go downstairs.
Mother Han sighed and left. A moment later, the classmates came upstairs. Xie He’s teacher, Xu Guokun, had also come.
Xie He’s expression changed immediately. He screamed, “Who let you come upstairs?! Get out, get out!” He didn’t want to see them! He already looked like this, why must he be laughed at by others?!
His classmates took in Xie He’s bandaged hands and his deathly pale, emaciated face that was covered in a panicked, helpless expression. All of them felt terribly sad. They felt ashamed for having misunderstood Xie He.
Teacher Xu Guokun was the first to speak. He gazed at Xie He with an affection gaze like that of the past and said, “We came to see you.”
Xie He looked at his teacher and recalled how he would never be able to play the piano again or perform again. He had disappointed his teacher…. When he thought of the dream he used to chase and how out of reach it now was, his eyes reddened. His voice grew feeble and he turned his face away. “I-I don’t need you guys to come see me….”
Xu Guokun took a step closer, his profound and wise eyes on Xie He. “You didn’t do anything wrong. You were only a victim. Why must you feel ashamed or afraid? The ones that should be ashamed are those who have hurt you. Raise your head. Look at me.”
Xie He instinctively raised his head, eyes full of tears.
Xu Guokun said, “There is not just one road in life. If one road is blocked, you can walk down another. Even if that road is very difficult, as long as you don’t give up, you can walk down it. Moreover, what I want to say is, regardless of whether you can play the piano anymore or not, you will always be my best student. I am so proud of you.”
Xie He’s tears streamed down uncontrollably. “Teacher….”
His other classmates surrounded him, each one telling him their own feelings.
“We all know that we had been wrong to accuse you without knowing the actual facts.”
“The police only came to ask you for information. They still have some questions for you. You’re a witness, ah, not the culprit…. Those people that slandered you without fully understanding the situation are so repulsive.”
“Xiao Xin, when are you coming back to school? We all really miss you.”
“You will definitely get better soon.”
Xie He’s tears kept falling. He couldn’t say a thing. It felt like his throat was blocked by something.
These concerned voices and their sincere gazes all told him…he hadn’t been abandoned by the entire world. There were still people who believed in him and cared for him…
But he also knew that he could not go back. There was no way to make the world what it once was.
He would only disappoint them.
His classmates stayed for a bit over an hour. They left so as to not disturb Xie He. A few upperclassmen also said that they’d come visit him again.
Xie He saw them out and then returned to his room, expressionless.
At night, Han Wenqian came back. He didn’t mention what happened during the day. He took care of Xie He as usual, feeding him and then taking him back to his room. When he left, Xie He called for him to wait. Xie He asked him softly, “It was you, wasn’t it?”
Han Wenqian nodded.
Xie He stared at him fixedly, a teary glint hidden in his eyes. A long time later, his lips trembled. “But don’t you think it’s a little too late…?”
Han Wenqian said, “I know.”
Xie He said, “Then why did you do it?”
Han Wenqian pulled his lips into a bitter smile. “There are some things that one should still do even if it’s late.” However, I cannot turn things back to how they were in the past. All that I can do…is do all that I can for you now….
Xie He looked at this version of Han Wenqian. He remembered the older brother who once loved and protected him…. This was the older brother he loved the most, ah. If he had never done those vile things to him, that would have been good.
If none of this had ever happened, that would been good.
Xie He closed his eyes, tired. “You should go.”
Han Wenqian thus stepped out, but he didn’t leave. He stood by the door, leaning against the wall. The look in his eyes was deathly still.
He stood there for a long time. When he could not hear any more sounds of movement from the other side of the door, he walked in quietly.
Xie He was already asleep, curled up in bed. There were still dried tear streaks on his face and his brows were slightly furrowed. His thin body looked very frail, as if he were an exquisite, easily destroyable object….
Han Wenqian pulled the covers over him, cautiously covering Xie He with a blanket. He gazed at the young man’s pale, pretty face with deep affection. There was a thick, scorching hot, deep love in his eyes, but there was also suffering.
Very slowly, he bent down and placed a pious kiss on Xie He’s lips.
From now on, I will play the part of a good big brother. Only when you’re unaware will I let myself get close to you.
This is my love for you. I hope that you will live a very long life and that I can spend it with you….
Han Wenqian raised his head, his pitch-black eyes dim and full of emotion. He then looked at the half-opened door. Mother Han was standing there, looking at him in utter shock.
The author has something to say:
This world will end with the next chapter, la~
Eve: Poor Mother Han. This…is a lot to take in. And it’s not even the worse part. She’d probably faint on the spot if she found out her sons were…knew each other in the biblical sense.
sere: lmao eve