Chapter 80 - A Sick Beauty
Translated by Eve
Edited by Serefina
11. A Sick Beauty
【Xie He：Help me exchange for a “Lively Cancer Cell: Stomach Cancer 3.0, the improved and strengthened edition.”】
【444：Yi?! The Favourability Value isn’t full yet, ah. Is it really appropriate to exchange for this now? Σ( °△°|||)︴】
【Xie He：Don’t worry. A few months time is enough for me to fill it up. 🙂 】
【444：(⊙v⊙) Mn….】Host dada seems to have a card up his sleeve as always!
【444：“Lively Cancer Cell: Stomach Cancer 3.0, the improved and strengthened edition” exchange is complete. It costs 1200 experience points. The product description: This is the big family of the cancer cells~ The baby cancer cells will serve you wholeheartedly. We have any kind of cancer that you need~ The improved, strengthened edition will give you an extraordinary feeling that is well worth your time~ It will spread out and bring you directly to late stage cancer without compromising your exceptional good looks. That’s right, you are the sick beauty! After using this, remember to give the hardworking cancer cell babies a good review, oh. Muah muah! Yours truly, the cancer cell family.】
【Xie He：Very good. It’s time to give ZeZe a sense of urgency. :)】
………………………………………………………………
Tonight was the first night that Yi Ze did not come over.
Xie He didn’t mind. Yi Ze would not be able to endure for long.
Indeed, Yi Ze came back the next morning. He probably hadn’t slept all night. He had slight dark eye circles. He stood in front of the bed for a while before coming over to hold Xie He and kiss him on the forehead. “How about I take you out for a stroll?”
Xie He nodded indifferently. He did not speak.
Yi Ze clenched his fists. He had deliberated all night. He thought that he had indeed gone overboard in the past. Although he could not let go, he was willing to treat Xie He better, to give him the respect that he deserved. Furthermore, what lovers should do, he would learn to do them. That way…Xie He should be happy, ba? If he lets him feel that he attaches importance to him, then he wouldn’t say those infuriating words again, ba?
Yi Ze took Xie He to the most luxurious department store. He took him for a stroll with eager attentiveness and said, “Anything you want, tell me. I’ll buy it for you.”
Yi Ze had never accompanied his lovers before. He had always sent money directly into their cards. However, his friends were all willing to be with their lovers like this. It was said that this would make people very happy. A lot of people used this method.
In any case, buying things has never let him down before.
However, Xie He seemed to have no interest in anything. He only followed after Yi Ze quietly, let alone say that he wanted anything. It didn’t look like Yi Ze was accompanying him, but that he was accompanying Yi Ze.
Yi Ze was helpless. He would ask Xie He if he wanted anything that looked pleasing. Xie He would only obediently say, “It’s fine as long as you think it’s good.”
Yi Ze felt extremely defeated. He couldn’t continue enduring this kind of awkwardness and could only take Xie He home.
When they returned home, he took out a few folders and handed them over to Xie He as if he were conferring treasures. He smiled. “I thought about it and it’s too troublesome to give you money all the time. It’d be better to just make you the boss. These companies aren’t bad. I think that they have very good prospects. Just sign.”
Xie He looked at him quietly. “The money you gave me over these last few years in exchange for me is enough. You don’t have to give me anything more. I’m not worth that much.”
These words were like knives, piercing into Yi Ze’s heart. Every time he heard Xie He say these kinds of words, he would recall the things he himself used to say. At that time, what had he been thinking, to have treated him like that? He had misunderstood Xie He, but now he knew that he had been wrong. He just wanted to make it up to the other….
Yi Ze’s expression was tense. A long time later, he smiled. “I think that you’re worth it.”
A flash of derision flickered through Xie He’s eyes. He didn’t respond.
Yi Ze’s fingers shifted. He could only place these things down and say, “It’s fine. Tell me when you want them.”
That night, Yi Ze held Xie He to sleep but he didn’t touch him. It was an innocent hug, that’s all. He actually really wanted to possess the person in his arms on a deeper level, but if he did that, would Xie He once again think that he wanted Jian Zihan? Would he think that he was taking him for a substitute again? Or as a object for venting his desires?
When he thought that he might be misunderstood by Xie He like that, Yi Ze could only endure.
He didn’t sleep all night. Dawn’s sunlight streamed in from the window and shone on Xie He’s face. Underneath his long eyelashes were a line of shadows. Yi Ze turned his head softly and gazed at the person in his embrace.
It was as if, as long as he could see him, he would be happy and satisfied. Just what kind of feeling was this?
Yi Ze didn’t have the heart to wake Xie He up. He carefully got out of bed and left.
As a result, as soon as he left his home, he was blocked by a raging Jian Zihan.
Jian Zihan looked at Yi Ze. He recalled what Fu Yuan had told him and he was filled with endless anger in his heart! This scoundrel! Did he know what he’s done? Why did he have to humiliate others like this?
Yi Ze looked at Jian Zihan, mood complicated.
Although Jian Zihan was furious, he was still rather calm. He looked at Yi Ze. “Where’s Minghui?”
Yi Ze did not treat Jian Zihan as he would towards Fu Yuan. However, when he thought about how Jian Zihan had come here for Xie He, he wasn’t too happy. He wasn’t willing to answer this question and only said, “What do you want to say?”
When Jian Zihan saw Yi Ze’s appearance, he couldn’t help but show a disappointed expression. “I’ve warned you before not to hurt him. You didn’t listen.”
Hurt…Yi Ze’s heart sunk. A baffling agitation arose. Yes, he had always hurt him. Even Jian Zihan could see this. Meanwhile, he hadn’t noticed until now.
Jian Zihan sighed and gave Yi Ze a profound look. “If I directly tell you to let go of him today, you definitely won’t listen to me, because you’re a willful person. I figured this out a long time ago…that’s why I hid abroad back then.”
Yi Ze’s expression became a bit unnatural when Jian Zihan brought up these old things.
Jian Zihan said, “Do you still want me?”
Yi Ze looked surprised. With a low voice, he said, “What are you saying?”
Jian Zihan chuckled and gave Yi Ze a profound look. “I’m asking you, do you still want me?”
If it was before, Yi Ze would agree without any hesitation. But now, he thought of Si Minghui. He didn’t know why, but he was hesitant. He didn’t respond.
Upon seeing this, Jian Zihan was even more certain. He spoke again, “Then I’ll change my question, ba. If you could only choose one of us, then between Minghui and I, who would you choose? If you choose me, I’ll stay today. But you have to let Minghui go. This question…think it over properly before giving me your answer.”
Of course he wanted Si Minghui! This was without a doubt his answer on the inside. It was just that when he looked at Jian Zihan’s smile that wasn’t a smile, and he recalled how he liked this person for so many years, he suddenly couldn’t say it out. It was as if he had betrayed him first.
Jian Zihan smiled, “It’s fine. Say it. No matter who you choose, I won’t mind.”
Yi Ze’s eyes darkened slightly. Things had already reached this point. He was already willing to act, it couldn’t be that he wouldn’t be willing to admit it? “Sorry, I choose him.”
Jian Zihan said, “There’s nothing for you to apologize about. After all, I knew that your love only amounted to this ten years ago. You have never truly liked me. Moreover, I’ve never liked you. Therefore, there’s nothing for you to apologize to me for. The one you should apologize to is Minghui. After all, he’s the one that loves you.”
Yi Ze pursed his lips, “Just what do you want to say?”
Jian Zihan stared at Yi Ze, unwavering. “What I want to say is that you don’t know what love is, because you’ve never believed in love or ever experienced it. Countless people are willing to climb onto your bed, but no one had truly loved you before. You are clear on this…therefore, you use money to judge their worth. This is actually very fair. It’s just that you shouldn’t use this as your only criterion when judging people. After all, true love cannot be measured by money. Just because you’ve never encountered it, doesn’t mean that it doesn’t exist. In the beginning, I wasn’t willing to waste time on you because I didn’t think that I could make you understand what love was. I even thought that you would continue for the rest of your life like this. After all, you don’t cherish love. Everyone has the right to choose how they want to live their life. We are not family nor friends, so I don’t have the right to criticize the way you live your life. I thought that way until I came back…and met Minghui.”
“I never thought that anyone would be willing to love someone like you. What he loves isn’t your money, but you. But you can’t give that to him. I’m not willing to watch him continue to be hurt. I hoped that the two of you could break up. I’ve tried persuading him but he wouldn’t listen to me. It’s just that, today…I’ve discovered that I was wrong again.”
“It turns out that you are someone who can love. If you didn’t love him, why would you keep him at your side for so long? If you didn’t care for him in the least, why would you get angry over him getting together with someone else? If you were willing to let go, why wouldn’t you straightforwardly let him go? Before, you never forced anyone who wanted to leave you to stay. This time, why did you go back on your word?”
“It was just that you couldn’t see the love he has for you, and only you didn’t know that you feel the same for him.”
Jian Zihan spoke slowly, “Today, I came here only to tell you that in loving someone, there shouldn’t be just possession and hurt. There should be respect and care. If you love him you should let him go. He is the only person you’ve let down.”
Yi Ze’s expression changed a bit. Love? So everything he did, was because he loved Si Minghui?
He wanted to refute this instinctively. However, he couldn’t say a single thing…no…actually, what was there to refute? Everything was already clear. The clues have appeared long ago. It was just that he wasn’t willing to admit this fact. It was like his vision had been clouded. Clearly, he only had to take a step to know the answer, but he had never been able to take that step.
Jealousy, possessiveness, happiness, content—all sorts of emotions swirled around him. If it wasn’t love, why else could this person make him lose his calm and rationality?
The spectator sees more of the game than the player in the heat of the moment.
He had covered his own eyes. Under the pretense of judgement, he had declared his own love to be untrue. He wasn’t willing to believe that he would fall for a person he had thought it impossible to fall for.
【Ding, the target Yi Ze’s Favourability Value +3. The current Favourability Value is 91.】
Jian Zihan’s gaze was complicated. He sighed. “Let me go see him. Be rest assured. I won’t steal him from you. I’m just worried about him.”
Yi Ze didn’t respond positively or negatively. He only turned around and went back in silently.
He returned to his room and saw Xie He lying on the bed quietly, as if asleep. Yi Ze stopped walking and suddenly felt nervous. He actually loves this person. And it was very likely he had fallen a long time ago, before he had realized it…and this person also loved him the same.
He should have been very fortunate but because of his own opinionated nature, he had caused everything to change. It was because he was certain that that kind of love did not exist in this world. Therefore, he denied the truth that was right before his eyes.
Only, it was fortunate that he understood things now. This time, he would definitely learn how to love someone properly. For him to meet this kind of person was probably Heaven’s blessing.
Yi Ze finally started walking again. He took one step at a time. But when he went to hold Xie He, his expression immediately changed!
Xie He’s eyes were tightly shut and the sheets before him were covered in the blood he had coughed up.
Why was it like this? Wasn’t he fine just a while ago? Yi Ze held Xie He tightly. For a moment, his mind was completely blank.
Upon seeing this, Jian Zihan’s expression changed greatly. He glared at Yi Ze resentfully. “You—he’s already sick to this point! How could you not have noticed?!”
There was a bitter taste in Yi Ze’s mouth. Yes, ah, why didn’t he notice? Why was he always so late in noticing…? Yi Ze suddenly stood up and carried Xie He out. Right now, there was no use in talking about these things! Right now, he had to take him to the hospital!
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【Xie He：Baby, what’s happening right now?】
【444：Jian Zihan and Yi Ze took you to the hospital together. The results of the physical have already come out. The two of them seemed to have really suffered an attack. Jian Zihan is sitting by your side, keeping you company. Yi Ze went out to make a call. He went to get in touch with the specialist in this field…wait…he’s coming over right now!】
【Xie He：Good. 🙂 】
Xie He slowly opened his eyes. Jian Zihan immediately noticed this. He lowered his head to gaze at him. “Are you…OK?”
After saying this, it felt like his throat was suddenly blocked. OK…how could he be OK? Jian Zihan recalled what the doctor had said and suddenly felt his eyes sting.
Xie He, however, didn’t look surprised. He softly said, “Why…are you here?”
Jian Zihan said, “This is a hospital. You’re sick so I came to visit you.”
“Oh.” Xie He’s reaction to hearing that he was sick wasn’t big. He looked at Jian Zihan with a complicated gaze. It seemed like he wanted to say something, but he couldn’t say it out loud.
Jian Zihan was an attentive and considerate person. He immediately said, “Don’t worry. Yi Ze knows that I’ve come. He won’t blame you.”
Xie He’s eyes dimmed. It didn’t matter if he blamed him or not. In any case, he would no longer care. He faced Jian Zihan with a clear but shallow smile. “Thank you for coming to see me.”
Jian Zihan looked at Xie He’s smiling face and felt extremely unwell. He couldn’t say the rest of his words. How could he tell Xie He that he was sick, sick to the point that he would soon die…? Xie He was still so young. He hadn’t yet enjoyed the beauty of life and already had to face the end.
Xie He’s expression was very calm. He asked Jian Zihan, “What’s wrong with me?”
Jian Zihan’s lips shook but he didn’t make a sound.
“Is it really serious?” Xie He chuckled, tone relaxed, “You look like you’re about to cry. It seems that it is indeed really serious.”
Jian Zihan met with Xie He’s penetrating gaze. When he heard his chuckle, he suddenly realized that there was no point in hiding it from him. He had to face reality in the end. Xie He had a right to know about his own situation. Jian Zihan shut his eyes, pained, and said, “Stomach cancer.”
Xie He went ‘oh’ and then said, “Stomach cancer, ah.”
Jian Zihan finally could no longer hold back the sorrow in his heart. With red eyes, he said, “Don’t worry. With how developed therapy and surgeries have become, you’ll definitely get better.”
Xie He thought, if I really get better, I’ll definitely give the great cancer cell family a bad review. He grabbed Jian Zihan’s hand and said with a gentle voice, “Don’t be sad, ah. I’m fine.”
Xie He’s expression made Jian Zihan even sadder, however. Clearly, the other person was the one who was sick and yet he was comforting others.
Fate was so cruel to Xie He. Why was he still able to face it with a smile? Was he really this unattached to his own life?
“I’m really fine. Actually, now that I think about it, it’s not that surprising.”
Xie He smiled and continued, “Back then, my mother also had stomach cancer. My father had died early so my mother had to rise early and go to bed late, working hard everyday to earn money to support us. It was obvious as to how difficult it was to make sure that I could keep attending school. Life was hard and we were poor, but she still took care of me. She said that one day, I’ll stand out amongst the crowd after graduation…but who would have thought that there would suddenly be a day where she would fall sick. People like you probably wouldn’t know, but for a family like mine, cancer is enough to destroy us….My mother knew this, so she said that she didn’t want to get treated. She wanted me to continue studying at ease. At that time, the school was also preparing to raise money for me.”
“However, I still dropped out. Those donations were not enough to pay for mom’s treatment. I couldn’t just care about myself—how could I bear to be such a selfish person…? Therefore, I dropped out and began working. Afterwards…some things happened….” When Xie He said this, his eyes dimmed for a while. He then blinked a few times and resumed his easy-going tone, “I can’t blame anyone else. At that time, it was because I was young and ignorant that I ended up falling into that trap…it was fortunate that I ended up meeting President Yi afterwards. He had been very generous in giving me money. I was finally able to pay for my mother’s treatment. Although she only lived for a few more years, at least I did my best. So, when she died, it didn’t hurt that much. I don’t have any regrets.”
“That’s why I’ve always thought that I’m very fortunate. There are many people who have it worse than me. Moreover, those people didn’t have anyone willing to lend a helping hand. I at least didn’t lack money and had my daily necessities provided for these last eight years. The only thing that makes me feel like I’ve let down my mother is probably the fact that I didn’t continue school. Instead, I entered the entertainment industry….I don’t know if she’ll blame me and call me disobedient when I see her again. Only…I could be considered to “stand out amongst the crowd” now. Although the ending isn’t really good, I’ve worked hard.”
Xie He’s eyes were shining, “My mom is a very fair and reasonable person. I think that she wouldn’t blame me.”
“What do you think?” Xie He looked at Jian Zihan.
Jian Zihan squeezed Xie He’s hand back with a lot of strength. He earnestly said, “She definitely would not blame you. You’re so outstanding, so perfect—she’ll be ecstatic.”
“Really?” There was reminiscence in Xie He’s eyes, “Then that’s good….”
“People will get sick. It’s nothing alarming. You really don’t have to feel sad,” Xie He laughed, “Besides, I’ve yet to die, ne.”
Jian Zihan smiled but there was deep suffering in his eyes.
He finally understood what Xie He meant by what he had said to him that day. He envied him. Not only did he envy the fact that he had Yi Ze’s love, what he envied even more was his beautiful life. He could attend school and do what he wanted to do. He didn’t have to kneel and beg in order to survive.
What he envied was the right to choose his own path in life. Xie He didn’t have this.
If Jian Zihan had met him sooner, he would never have let him experience all of this. In the end, this was nothing but a helpless, vain delusion.
Yi Ze stood at the door to Xie He’s hospital room, his feet fixed to where he stood. It felt like someone had poured cement over his feet, trapping them onto the ground, making him unable to move.
He had just come back from ending his call and ended up hearing Xie He and Jian Zihan’s conversation inside. It had been so long since he’d heard Xie He’s relaxed laugh. He couldn’t bear to enter and disrupt it.
Therefore, he stood there. Listening quietly.
This was the first time Yi Ze had heard Xie He talking about the past. Xie He had been by his side for so many years but had never talked about himself. He had never acted pitiful or lamented about his past experiences for the sake of getting money.
The only thing Yi Ze knew about Xie He was this: He had dropped out of high school and came out to sell his body because he needed money for a sick family member.
Those empty, powerless words played down and concisely summarized a person’s life of having no alternatives. There was no embellishment. Even if you directly skipped over it, it wouldn’t matter. It sounded no different from what those that had chosen to let themselves go would say.
It wasn’t until now…that he found out about the bitterness contained within those simple words. It was not a string of words, but someone’s life.
Many people on this planet were willing to sell everything for the sake of money. However, the person inside was not one of them.
Moreover, Yi Ze had never realized this. He had ignored the helplessness and bitter pain in the other’s heart. He had irresponsibly treated him like he was dirty and despicable.
Yi Ze had never regretted as much as he did at this moment.
A long time later, Yi Ze turned around and left with quiet steps. He was afraid that he would only make things difficult for Xie He if he went in right now. Since he and Jian Zihan were so happy together, he would let them stay together for a while.
He suddenly wanted to understand everything about Xie He. This was the person he loved. And yet, he knew nothing about him.
Yi Ze ordered his people to inquire about what had happened to Xie He in the past. Although several years had passed, many of the people involved at the time were still around. It wasn’t hard to inquire about it. Very soon, Yi Ze got hold of the information regarding that time. He even got hold of Xie He’s school transcript. It seemed that he was a really outstanding child back then. Originally, he could have had a completely different life. However, he had been forced onto a completely different path. Even so, although it was like this, he didn’t choose to become depraved. His brilliance still bloomed and he worked hard, to the best of his abilities.
Yi Ze looked at the information gathered little by little, right until the sky darkened.
He gently caressed the bag that contained all the information. His eyes were full of bitter anguish. Why didn’t he come to understand this person a bit earlier?
If he had known earlier, how good would it be? If he had met him a bit earlier, then he would have had a chance to change it all…but because of his apathy, he had missed his chance…. Just like this time: he had clearly been by his side all this time, and yet he didn’t notice that he was sick. Instead, he had imprisoned him and hurt him, allowing his sickness to worsen until there was no way back.
Yi Ze thought about what the doctor said. Self-blame and regret drowned him like a rising tide. He choked from despair.
Yi Ze went back to the outside of the hospital room once more. He didn’t enter right away. He waited until Jian Zihan came out of there.
Jian Zihan frowned. “He’s asleep.”
Yi Ze nodded. “I’m going to go in and see him.”
Jian Zihan said, “Don’t wake him up.”
Yi Ze laughed bitterly. In Jian Zihan’s eyes, this was the type of person he was. But who was to blame? He was reaping what he sowed. He said, “I know.”
After saying this, he gently pushed the door open and entered.
Xie He was sleeping peacefully. The dim moonlight streamed inside, making his already pale face look even more drained of blood.
Yi Ze carefully walked over, eyes fixed on Xie He’s face.
Everything was Yi Ze’s fault. It was because he had only noticed when it was too late…. He was always too late, regardless of whether it was finding out about the truth or Xie He’s feelings or even…his own feelings.
It was even more painful to have had something and lose it than to never have had it in the first place. He was so capable and yet there was no way for him to get him back.
Yi Ze placed his hands on either side of Xie He and bent down, placing a gentle kiss on his forehead.
It was the first time he realized he had fallen in love with someone…and also the moment he was about to lose him.
If this was God’s punishment for me, then I will lower my head and accept my fate but…why did the punishment have to land on you, ne?
…………………………
When Xie He woke up the next morning, he noticed that Yi Ze was next to him. His expression did not change, as if he was completely indifferent.
Yi Ze met with Xie He’s deathly still gaze, heart aching dully. He forced himself to smile and said, “You’re awake. I got breakfast ready for you.”
Because he had late stage stomach cancer, there were many things he couldn’t eat. Yi Ze had his people make him a simple and easily digestible meal. They had brought it over in a thermos.
“Thank you.”
Xie He obediently began to eat but his appetite wasn’t good so he only had a few bites before putting it down.
Yi Ze felt very distressed and persuaded him, “Eat a bit more, ba. You need nutrients.”
Xie He’s brows furrowed a bit. He had a few more bites but suddenly, he felt nauseous and unwell. He vomited. Because he had vomited so abruptly, he dirtied Yi Ze’s suit. Xie He coughed a few times and promptly said, “I’m sorry.”
What was there to be sorry about? You’ve only dirtied some clothes, that’s all. Just how harsh had he treated him before? Yi Ze’s voice held a restrained pain as he said, “It’s fine.”
He paused and then tidied things up, “If you can’t eat it, don’t eat. Wait until you’re hungry to eat again.”
Xie He looked at Yi Ze. There was an unclear, complicated expression in his black eyes. A long time later, he quietly said, “You know.”
It wasn’t a question but a statement.
Yi Ze pursed his head and slowly nodded.
Xie He suddenly smiled. He said, “Actually, this is good…I’m already like this. Do you still want me?”
Yi Ze gazed at him, “I will never not want you.”
There was frustration in Xie He’s eyes. He sighed. “It’s like this, ah…but you’re right. You’ve bought this life of mine. Naturally, our agreement only ends after I’ve died.”
“That wasn’t what I meant.” Yi Ze’s eyes were pained. “I just….”
However, before he could finish, Xie He interrupted him, expression indifferent, “You don’t have to sympathize with me. I don’t need it.”
Yi Ze instantly had no way of saying the rest of his words. He had originally wanted to say: I love you.
Nonetheless, it was obviously useless saying this now. This was because no matter what he said, Xie He would only think that he was pitying him. Before, he had countless opportunities to say it out loud. Even in the past few days, he could have confessed to Xie He and obtained forgiveness. But in the end, he had missed his very last chance.
The words, I love you, took a turn upon reaching the tip of his tongue. In the end, he still swallowed them back down. He lowered his head to plant a kiss on Xie He’s forehead.
“Rest well. I’ll come again tomorrow.”
The author has something to say:
Muah muah my dears~ Today’s chapter is really long, ok. There are seven thousand characters after the change, ne.\(≧▽≦)/ It’s the equivalent to a double update! Everyone, happy new year!
Even though this author has taken a vacation, I still find time to earnestly update~(*/ω╲*). Time to get things going.
Eve: This chapter felt so long. @[email protected] Not even the longest chapter in the novel though (there’s a 16k character near the end hahahahaha *shudders*)
sere: WAS SO LONG I SPENT LIKE 12 HOURS WITH THIS DOC OPEN also i hope YZ likes the feeling of burning in hell