Chapter Ch170.1 - Heartache (1)
Translated by Eve
Edited by Serefina
13. Heartache (1)
Xiao Yan’s hands froze in midair. He had come with a chest full of anticipation, but all he had received was a sorrowful, despairing gaze from Xie He. It was like he thought Xiao Yan would kill him.
But who could he blame…? He had nearly killed Xie He after all.
When he saw that Xiao Yan didn’t respond, Xie He’s despair grew. He did not care about his lowly life. I was just that, if he were to die now, he would regret having implicated Song Heng. He kowtowed heavily on the floor once more, a decisive look in his teary eyes. “Your Highness, please pardon Song daren. He did not know of Nu’s identity. He did not intend to hide Nu. It was Nu who had deceived Song daren. Your Highness, please punish Nu with death.”
Xiao Yan paled. How could he bear to have Xie He executed…? Xiao Yan could see how difficult kneeling was for Xie He. He forced himself to bear with the complicated feelings and frustration in his chest. In a deep voice, he said, “Stand up first and then we’ll talk.”
Xie He was unwilling. He trembled, still kneeling on the ground. “Nu dares not.”
Xiao Yan could not continue watching this. He didn’t care whether he would scare Xie He or not and directly pulled the other into his arms, bringing him into his own room. He then gently placed Xie He down onto his bed.
Xie He didn’t think Xiao Yan would do such a thing. He didn’t dare rest on Xiao Yan’s bed and struggled to get up.
Xiao Yan examined Xie He’s panicked, frightened face. The other’s fearful gaze was like a vice, squeezing his heart. Xiao Yan’s eyes darkened slightly and he felt his heart sink further and further downwards. In the end, he said, “Don’t move. Otherwise, Benwang will not pardon Song Heng.”
Although he had been shocked and surprised in the beginning, he quickly understood that the Song daren— as Xie He called him— was likely the scholar, Song Heng, who had taken Xie He away. Moreover, now that Song Heng was in trouble, Xie He thought that Xiao Yan was the perpetrator. That was why Xie He had come back to beg him, despite the fact that in Xie He’s mind, this was the same as putting his life on the line.
Xie He had only come back to plead with him for the sake of another man….
As expected, when Xie He heard Xiao Yan say this, he immediately stopped moving. He only stared Xiao Yan with reddened eyes. “Your Highness, please pardon Song daren. Nu will be obedient. Nu will never dare run away again.”
Xiao Yan had just found out that his saviour had actually been Xie He. He could not suppress his emotions. It had been so difficult to meet the person he’d been missing. The bud of affection he had had previously and his current love had now melded into one. He had finally come to terms with what he felt…but Xie He was now pleading for death in exchange for another man’s life. All he felt for Xiao Yan was dread.
But what could he say? The only thing he could do was grant Xie He’s request.
Xiao Yan’s eyes fell onto Xie He’s knees. Because the other had been kneeling just now, they had started to bleed. The corner of his lips raised slightly and his voice was raspy. There was a sliver of an inaudible helplessness and a tone of compromise within it. “All right, Benwang will grant you your request.”
When Xie He heard this, he looked at Xiao Yan gratefully. “Thank you, Your Highness.”
Xiao Yan clenched his fists. He was afraid that if he stayed, he’d lose reason and do something he shouldn’t. Therefore, he left.
He had not been as calm as he had seemed just now.
He had zero desire to save that person named Song Heng. In fact, he was just itching to kill Song Heng himself.
Once Xiao Yan left, he ordered his guard to first summon the imperial physician. He then added another order. “Tell Qi Qing to come back. There’s no need for him to continue his search. Benwang has a different task for him.”
The guard accepted the mission and left to find an imperial doctor and Qi Qing.
Xiao Yan stood at the door. After some time, he turned around and entered his study. He pulled out an exquisite wooden box from a drawer and opened it. Laying quietly within it was a jade pendant.
This jade pendant had been pawned off by Bai Qiuchi back then. He had retrieved it and had originally planned on giving it back to her. However, after meeting her, he did not end up doing so, for some ineffable reason. Perhaps he had had a faint intuition deep down inside back then that told him that Bai Qiuchi had not been the jade pendant’s true master….
Xiao Yan shut his eyes and the past flashed through his mind. Slowly, his heart calmed down. He could not act impulsively. He now knew who his real saviour was. He also knew what he felt for him. He would never let Xie He suffer even the smallest of grievances again.
The mistake had been made. Impulsiveness would only worsen things.
Xiao Yan sat on his chair for a while. When Qi Qing came back, Xiao Yan said to him in a low voice, “Go investigate what’s happened with the local authorities. See if there’s a case involving an escaped servant. That Song Heng…don’t let anything happen to him.”
Qi Qing nodded. “Shuxia understands. Shuxia shall go execute Your Highness’ orders.”
Although he really wanted to see Xie He,Qi Qing knew that he didn’t stand a chance anymore, considering the feelings His Highness had for him now that he knew that Xie He was his saviour. Nevertheless…Qi Qing could still stay by Xie He’s side and protect him.
Shortly after Qi Qing left, the imperial doctor arrived. Xiao Yan personally brought him to his room.
When Xie He saw Xiao Yan return, those beautiful eyes glanced at Xiao Yan before lowering back down. He acted well-behaved, like he had resigned himself to his fate.
Xiao Yan sat next to Xie He, gently wrapping his arm around Xie He’s shoulders, so that the other could lean against him. He was afraid of frightening Xie He, so he lowered his voice and made it as gentle as he could. “Let the doctor take a look at you, okay?”
The imperial doctor’s eyes nearly fell out of his head in shock as he watched on the side. Was this still the cold-faced, distant Prince Su who was serious in speech and manner?! Prince Su could actually coax someone like this?!
Xie He had not expected that, in a blink of an eye, Prince Su would suddenly become so gentle. However, this only made him even more uneasy and terrified. He had enjoyed this person’s gentleness before. It had been intoxicating. He had previously thought that this person would be the husband he’d entrust himself to for the rest of his life…but as life would have it, reality had ended up giving him a good slap in the face.
This man who would treat him tenderly in bed every day could turn around and make him wish for death in an instant. Now, the other had forced him to come back. The reason Xiao Yan was being like this possibly meant that he thought Xie He was still useful. It was just unfortunate that Xie He had never even seen the Crown Prince’s face before.
Xie He’s heart felt cold but he did not resist. He would do whatever Xiao Yan wanted. Obediently, he said, “Nu will do as Your Highness wishes.”
Only then did the imperial doctor dare to approach. He did not look at Xie He too much in fear of displeasing Xiao Yan. He only lowered his head and focused on taking Xie He’s pulse. A short while later, his eyebrows furrowed tightly. This child’s physical condition was terrible. He had originally been weak, but because he hadn’t been properly nursed back to health after sustaining such serious injuries, full recovery was no longer an option. If he did not take meticulous care of himself, he would not be able to live for long….
A long time later, the imperial doctor let go and said to Xiao Yan in a deferential tone, “Gongzi’s body is weak. I will prescribe him some medicine to nourish his body. He must not do anything that shall tire him and he should avoid spicy foods….”
Xiao Yan listened to the doctor’s words earnestly for a long time. HE then said, “Benwang shall see you out.”
Xiao Yan and the imperial doctor went outside. Xiao Yan’s expression was heavy. He slowly asked, “What else does Imperial Doctor Zhang have to say about his condition?”
He knew that Imperial Doctor Zhang was hiding something from the expression the other had. There were some things that could not be said in front of Xie He.
Imperial Doctor Zhang stroked his beard and sighed. “Gongzi’s body has sustained too much damage. Has he received serious injuries before? His foundation has been damaged. It will not be easy for him to live for long…. If he takes proper care, perhaps he can still live for a couple years.”
Xiao Yan was once again thrust back to his memories of what had occurred in the dungeon. His heart sunk. Xie He had saved him…but Xiao Yan would become the cause of his death. Wasn’t this biting the hand that had fed him?
He felt like he was drowning in regret and pain, but his shrewd nature did not allow himself to act any different while still in front of Imperial Doctor Zhang. He simply had someone send the doctor away. He made a promise to himself that he would do everything he could to figure out a way to ensure Xie He would live. It wasn’t like a big wangfu like his couldn’t provide for and pamper a single person, right?
Xiao Yan returned to his room and found Xie He silently sitting on the bed. He still wore that coarse garment and currently looked filthy and miserable as he had been knocked to the ground earlier at the gates. Xiao Yan immediately called for several servant girls to help Xie He wash. Meanwhile, Xiao Yan chose to wait outside.
Xie He had never been waited on by the wangfu servants. Even before, when Xiao Yan spoiled him, he had still been in charge of washing himself. No one ever served him like this. Right now, he felt really uncomfortable, being surrounded by the servant girls. He said, “Nu will not trouble you ladies. Nu can do it.”
The servant girls had already received Xiao Yan’s instructions. How could they let Xie He wash himself? One of them knelt and respectfully said, “Does Gongzi not want Nubi’s service because Nubi performed poorly?”
Another spoke with teary eyes, “If Nubi cannot serve Gongzi, Nubi will be sold by the wangfu. Gongzi, please do not reject us.”
Xie He was at a loss for what to do. He was nothing but a courtesan at the lowest rungs of society. No one had ever knelt in front of him before. He had serviced other people and had never been served by someone else. It made him feel really uneasy! But when he looked at the servant girls, he couldn’t bear to make things hard for them. In the end, he could only let them wait on him.
The servant girls sighed in relief when they saw that Xie He was cooperating. They gently helped Xie He wash and dry himself. They then dressed him in a soft, expensive cloud-patterned garment and brushed his black hair before tying it loosely.
Dressed, one could not tell that he was covered in scars. After washing, Xie He was beautiful as a water lotus. His pale face evoked tender feelings from one’s heart.
When Xiao Yan saw Xie He walk out like this with the support of the servant girls, looking like an immortal stepping through the clouds and walking into his heart, he wanted to pamper Xie He with everything he had.
He would never abandon him again. He would stop at nothing to protect the person he loved….
Xiao Yan’s heart raced but he quickly regained reason. He couldn’t bear for Xie He to take another step and directly pulled Xie He into his arms and carried him.
Xie He’s nose filled with Xiao Yan’s scent as he was held by the other. A self-deprecating smile flashed through his eyes. Who was Xiao Yan putting this act on for this time? Xie He was a base little courtesan. Who knew if it was tragedy or his good fortune to be given a chance to put on this act with the magnificent Prince Su for a second time?
Xiao Yan thought that Xie He must be hungry after having been tormented for half a day. He instructed the kitchen to prepare a late night snack. When the food arrived, he carefully held Xie He in his arms and fed him.
Xie He had already decided that he would not fight Xiao Yan. He would not have any complaints regardless of whether Xiao Yan granted him life or death. Right now, upon seeing Xiao Yan treating him as gently as before like nothing had happened, he felt his chest go cold. He thought that the other was too frightening.
The moment prior, he would mercilessly sentence you to death and in the next, he would act impossibly gentle.
Xie He could no longer stand it. He looked up at Xiao Yan, faint hurt emerging in his eyes. Softly, he said, “Your Highness, Nu has really never met the Crown Prince.”
Xiao Yan recalled how Xie He had said these exact same words to him in the past while drenched in blood. He recalled the despair that had been in Xie He’s eyes when he had asked him this question that held the last remnants of his hope…. Xiao Yan, who had always been a strong man who didn’t show his emotions on his face, unexpectedly felt his eyes sting. With a hoarse voice, he said, “I know.”
Xie He smiled faintly, as if a heavy weight had been lifted off of him. His voice was quiet and soft. “That’s good…. That means that Your Highness need not be like this anymore.”
Xiao Yan’s actions paused. A bitter smile appeared on his lips. He knew that his change in behaviour had been too jarring. Xie He was certainly suspicious. But he couldn’t treat Xie He the way he had before….
He peered deeply into Xie He’s eyes and thought, “Yes, it doesn’t matter if you don’t believe me. For the rest of my life, I will treat you like this.”
Xiao Yan said, “I like you, so I want to treat you well. It has nothing to do with the Crown Prince.”
When Xie He heard this, he stared at Xiao Yan. A moment later, indifference replaced all other emotions in his eyes and a self-abasing smile appeared on his face. He did not say anything more.
He had no way to resist. If Xiao Yan didn’t believe him, then he didn’t have to believe him. Why did Xiao Yan have to say such things in an attempt to trick him?
Xiao Yan had just gathered his courage to tell someone he liked them for the first time. It would be a lie to say that he didn’t feel any anticipation or hope at all. However, all his confession had been met with when he uttered those words had been Xie He’s indifferent gaze and forced smile. Everything was akin to an immense rock that had come smashing down on his hopes.
Xiao Yan didn’t speak again either. After their silent meal, he placed Xie He on his bed and personally helped him take off his outer clothes. He covered Xie He with the quilt, and then held him to sleep.
Xiao Yan pillowed Xie He’s head on his own chest. With the person he loved next to him, he couldn’t help but think of their past intimacy. Instinctively, his desire began to stir. However, Xie He’s body was weak now. How could he do that to him? Moreover…it would be too disrespectful to the other.
Xie He was the person he liked, not something to sate his lust with.
Xie He was like a wooden doll, completely motionless. Very quickly, he felt something hard press against him. Instantly, he knew what Xiao Yan wanted. However, his current broken body had no qualifications to service Xiao Yan. At the very least, it was fortunate that his face was unblemished…. All those other men had liked it when Xie He serviced them like that. Xiao Yan had also been no exception.
Since he had come back, he naturally had to properly serve Xiao Yan. He had to hold on until Xiao Yan saved Song Heng….
Xie He moved slightly and smiled at Xiao Yan. “Should Nu service Your Highness?”
His eyes were curved into a smile as he grinned at Xiao Yan. He bent over and was prepared to lower his head to pleasure Xiao Yan.
Xiao Yan noticed Xie He’s actions. He immediately stopped him. When he saw Xie He flash him that self-abasing, fawning smile and adopt that shameless, lowly demeanour, his heart hurt so much he wished he were dead.
His youth had originally been the son of an official. He had originally possessed an honourable status. But because of Xiao Yan, Xie He’s family had been ruined and Xie He himself had fallen into prostitution. He had been humiliated by all those men…. This good child now saw serving men as his duty. He was forced to do the most undesirable work and was disdained for it too.
What was even more unforgivable was that Xiao Yan himself had also disdained him in the past. He had humiliated Xie He and disgraced him. He had even scorned him for being unclean….
But if it wasn’t for Xiao Yan, how could Xie He have ever fell to such straits and become “unclean?”
His youth was the purest, the most perfect…even now, no one was more pure than he was.
【Ding, the target Xiao Yan’s Favourability Value +2. The current Favourability Value is 92.】
Xiao Yan suppressed the pain in his voice. He said, “I do not need you to service me.”
Xie He looked terrified when he heard this. His Highness still spurned him. Xie He’s voice trembled. “Nu…Nu can service Your Highness. Nu will not pollute Your Highness’ eyes….”
After saying this, he bit his lower lip. He recalled how Xiao Yan had said that he was nothing but a lowly servant that would pollute one’s eyes. Now that he thought about it, to say this himself made it seem like he was overestimating himself. Therefore, he weakly corrected, “Nu just wants to pleasure Your Highness….”
Xiao Yan’s fists clenched tightly. Everything he had once said had turned around and had come back to shoot him straight through the heart. Nonetheless, there was nothing more useless than regret in this world.
He knew that Xie He didn’t even care about his own life. So why was Xie He humiliating himself like this? It was obviously because of Song Heng. He was cautiously currying favour with Xiao Yan for Song Heng’s sake.
“Sleep. I will do what I promised you. Nothing will happen to Song Heng,” Xiao Yan slowly said.
Just like that, Xie He stopped moving. He timidly cast his gaze towards Xiao Yan but simply shut his eyes and quieted down in the end.
…………………………………………………
The next day, when Xiao Yan woke up, he saw that Xie He was still sleeping. He didn’t dare wake him and secretly got out of bed.
Qi Qing was already waiting for him outside. Qi Qing’s eyes quickly glanced towards the inside of the room and he ended up catching a glimpse of Xie He lying on Xiao Yan’s bed. It took all his self-control to look away. He said, “Shuxia has finished with the investigation. It was Shui Rong who had reported Song Heng for hiding an escaped wangfu servant. Because the Crown Prince was behind this, those people dared to capture Song Heng in your name. Fortunately, Shuxia made it in time. Song Heng did not suffer. He has already returned home.”
Xiao Yan’s eyes filled with rage! Back then, the Crown Prince had murdered Cui Shao and his wife, leading to Cui Ning’s fall to the brothels. Now, it was once again the Crown Prince causing trouble! Originally, Xiao Yan had already disapproved of the Crown Prince’s behaviour. Now, he felt an intense desire to kill the Crown Prince. Xiao Yan suppressed the fury in his chest and said in a low voice, “What about the top scorer Song Heng? How do they know each other?”
Qi Qing said, “Song Heng also hails from Jiangzhou. In the past, the reason he had been able to enter the Capital and take the examination had been because of Cui Ning’s kindness. He had always liked Cui Ning. More recently, Cui Ning had stayed with him.”
Xiao Yan thought, it wasn’t just Song Heng that liked Cui Ning, Cui Ning also liked Song Heng…. Xiao Yan’s chest was filled with jealousy. However, he had to protect Cui Ning’s beloved man for Cui Ning’s sake. In a cold voice, he said, “Watch over him. Do not give the Crown Prince a chance to do anything to him.”
Qi Qing said, “Shuxia understands.”
After making arrangements for everything, Xiao Yan changed and left for the palace.
When Xie He woke up, Xiao Yan had already left. Xie He opened his eyes lazily and sat up. The servant girl outside noticed he had awoken and promptly walked in reverently to help him wash. She also served him his food. The treatment Xie He received was no less than what Xiao Yan would have received.
【Xie He：This is what I was talking about. The wangfu is full of servants and I can live in luxury here. Smile.JPG】
【444：……O(∩_∩)O~】
【Xie He：It’s about time to get rid of Young Miss Bai. There’s no reason to keep her here anymore.】
【444：(⊙o⊙) Oh? What do you plan on doing? 】
【Xie He：I don’t have to do a thing. As long as I meet with her, Xiao Yan will think of a way to get rid of her. 🙂 】
【Xie He：When Xiao Yan is almost back, let me know. 】
【444：(⊙v⊙) Mn!】
Xie He waited all day, relaxed. No matter where he went, a flock of servants would follow him. He didn’t have to take a single step. There would always be someone to carry him on a wooden bench. Even a single cough from him would render the servants extremely nervous. They would ask him if he was not feeling well or if he was thirsty. This all made him feel very uncomfortable.
He didn’t know what His Highness was thinking. He thought that he would be sentenced to death for coming back. Who would have expected that he would be worshipped like an ancestor…? But he could not read the thoughts of someone on the level of His Highness. In any case, he wasn’t afraid of death, so what was there left to fear? He might as well cast this to the back of his mind.
Xie He waited all day. When night was about to fall, he hesitantly asked a eunuch, “Can…Nu go outside?”
The eunuch responded in a reverent tone. “Where would Gongzi like to go?”
The eunuch had previously been given orders. As long as it wasn’t outside of the wangfu, Xie He could go wherever he liked.
Xie He quietly said, “Nu wants to go to the garden.”
That eunuch immediately had someone bring the wooden bench over. With a sharp voice, he said, “Carry it steadily. Do not let Gongzi feel any bumps along the way.”
Xie He had only meant to sound the eunuch out. He didn’t think that they would really let him out.
He didn’t really want to go back there. He didn’t want to think of those heartbreaking, painful memories. When he reached the garden, he hesitated before taking a seat in the pavilion and then stared out at the lake.
Xie He ended up causing quite the stir. When he had stayed in Xiao Yan’s courtyard, no one had known that he was there. As soon as he came out, everyone in the wangfu heard about it. Bai Qiuchi received news of this right away and was utterly shocked!
Xiao Yan had clearly told her that Xie He had died. Why did he appear with such great fanfare now? Bai Qiuchi panicked. She asked one of her servant girls, “Where’s Shui Rong? Have you found her? Why didn’t she come back yesterday?”
She had always relied on Shui Rong. But now, she didn’t know if Shui Rong had abandoned her and ran away on her own.
Shui Rong knew that the fact Xie He hadn’t died meant that her identity had already been exposed. That was why she hadn’t returned to the wangfu. The Crown Prince obviously didn’t actually take Bai Qiuchi seriously, so they chose to abandon her.
Bai Qiuchi’s servant responded, “We have not found her.”
Bai Qiuchi was terribly flustered. Shui Rong had always been helping her scheme with regards to her betrayal of Xiao Yan. She had also helped her communicate with the Crown Prince and comforted her. Right now, Shui Rong had suddenly disappeared and Xie He had returned to the wangfu. This made her extremely afraid. Her whole body went cold! She grit her teeth and rushed out. She had to see if that person really was Xie He!
Eve: BQC, incoming just desserts. Heh.