Chapter 81 - At Your Beck and Call~
Translated by Eve
Edited by Serefina
12. At Your Beck and Call~
Yi Ze said, “Rest well, I’ll come see you again tomorrow.”
Yi Ze left the hospital. It was raining outside but he didn’t open his umbrella. He stood there at the entrance of the hospital like an idiot. The people passing by looked at him like he was a mental case.
Rain fell into his eyes. It looked like he was crying. Yi Ze thought that he really was crazy. Otherwise, how could he have done such things?
He had personally hurt the person he loved the most. He was the cause of the other’s imminent death, ah….
Clearly, he had so many chances, and yet he had never done anything about it. He had let sand within the hourglass of fate slip through his fingers.
He could have saved him, he could have loved him….
He would give anything to turn back time…but it was not possible to go back in time.
【Ding, the target Yi Ze’s Favourability Value +2. The current Favourability Value is 93.】
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Since Xie He vomited blood out, his illness worsened quickly. The doctors recommended that he receive chemotherapy. Xie He was very cooperative with all of his treatments. Yi Ze would also come to see him every day. He basically lived at the hospital. Xie He did not fight with Yi Ze but he didn’t smile at him either. Actually, he didn’t do or say anything. He was extremely compliant. Anyone could tell that what Xie He felt towards Yi Ze was a pressure to comply and a feeling of helplessness. There was no sincerity within.
Xie He’s condition worsened until it could not be managed anymore. His body wasted away very quickly.
Yi Ze’s heart sunk lower day by day. The attending physician was annoyed by Yi Ze’s questions. Said attending physician was also an old professor who had quite the temper. He pointed at Yi Ze’s nose and scolded him without any politeness, “I think that it would be easier for us to treat him if you came to the hospital less frequently. After all, the patient’s mental state is very important. If he doesn’t have a will to live, then even if the field of medicine advanced further, we still wouldn’t be able to save someone who wants to die!”
Yi Ze’s face drained of blood upon hearing this.
Meanwhile, Xie He was chatting with 444 in his hospital room.
【444：Host dada, you haven’t really raised Yi Ze’s Favourability Value recently. ( ⊙ o ⊙ )】
【Xie He：No rush. First, let’s give him some time to cool down. Right now, I’ll increase HanHan’s and YuanYuan’s Favourability Values. After all, after the target’s Favourability Value is filled, I’ll have to leave this world. Smile.JPG】
【444：But it looks like he isn’t going to leave, ai. You can’t even get any alone time with Jian Zihan. _(:зゝ∠)_】
【Xie He：Someone will persuade him to leave. 🙂 】
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Xie He chatted with 444 while watching TV. Recently, the system store had acquired a new TV drama from a futuristic interstellar world. He could watch it while asleep, as he’d enter a holographic space. Interstellar warfare was extremely exciting.
Yi Ze came out from the doctor’s office. He walked to the entrance to Xie He’s hospital room with heavy steps. He quickly looked at the person on the bed.
The young man on the bed had thinned a lot. His face had an abnormal pallor. Currently, he was sleeping with his eyes closed. It looked like he would fall into an eternal slumber at any moment…. Yi Ze shut his eyes and then reopened them. Every day and night, he watched the life of his beloved slowly drain away…. Even after doing everything he could, there was no way to get it back. It hurt like a death by a thousand cuts. He could not die. Instead, he was in constant pain, as if he had been shot in the heart.
It was as if the person who was sentenced to death was not Xie He but him.
Yi Ze finally walked in quietly. He pulled Xie He into his arms. The young man’s body was feeble, as if he would break with even the tiniest of force. Yi Ze carefully reached out to tuck the other’s bangs away. It was just a light touch, but hair fell off. Xie He’s originally thick, black hair had become sparse in a short period of time. Because he was wasting away with each passing day, his handsome features became more and more sunken in.
There was nothing that could stop his progressive withering.
Yi Ze’s hand slowly clenched. He had a death grip on the hair in his palms. Pain accumulated within his eyes endlessly.
He lowered his head to plant a kiss on Xie He’s lips. There was still the same sweetness to those soft lips as before that made him feel addicted.
However, the sweeter something was, the more painful it would be when you lost it.
Xie He slowly opened his eyes. One could not see any emotion in those eyes. He only stared at Yi Ze, eyes fixed on him.
Yi Ze’s voice was low and gentle. There was a deep longing and reluctance to part in his black eyes. He said, “I have to go on a business trip for a bit. I might not be able to come back for a short period of time. I’ll have Jian Zihan come take care of you, OK?”
Xie He’s expression finally changed. He looked surprised.
Of course Yi Ze was unwilling to let Jian Zihan come. Every time he saw Xie He smile at Jian Zihan, he was filled with so much jealousy that he felt like he was going to go crazy. However, when he thought about what the doctor had said, that Xie He needed to have a positive attitude during treatment….Since Jian Zihan could make Xie He happy and make him feel optimistic towards his treatment, then…so what if he had to step back for a while, ne? Yi Ze knew that he himself would only cause Xie He pain.
So long as Xie He would get better, there was nothing he couldn’t do.
【Ding, the target Yi Ze’s Favourability Value +2. The current Favourability Value is 95.】
After saying this, Yi Ze hugged Xie He again. He didn’t dare use too much strength. He was afraid that he would break the other.
Then, he stood up and left without looking back.
Xie He watched as Yi Ze’s silhouette disappeared through the door. He retracted his gaze without any expression on his face.
【Xie He：Baby, keep playing that TV drama just now. I just saw something marvellous. Smile.JPG】
【444：…Oh, oh, oh! OK!】He was infected by Yi Ze’s expression just now and also felt a sense of loss. Host dada is incredible! He’s able to easily switch between all sorts of emotions! He’s even still in the mood to watch a drama! _(:зゝ∠)_ Respect!!!
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Of course Yi Ze didn’t actually go on a business trip. He just gave himself an excuse not to appear. Although he didn’t appear before Xie He, he would get all and any information regarding Xie He and the situation regarding the other’s treatment from the medical team. He would also take advantage of the time during which Xie He was asleep to sneak in and steal a peek.
Yi Ze knew that the relationship between Xie He and his manager, Wei Zhangqin, was not bad. Therefore, he called Wei Zhangqin over and let him occasionally go see Xie He. He also inquired about Xie He. For example, what Xie He liked, what he usually wore, what he usually ate, what habits he had….Every day, Yi Ze would find out everything he hadn’t known about Xie He from other people.
Although Xie He was no longer in front of him, the image he had of the other man in his mind became more vibrant with each passing day.
Yi Ze would even recall every little memory they shared in the past. He used his memory to sketch out this person’s every frown, every smile, every action…. At that time, how did he turn a blind eye to all of this? Humans…were really ridiculous creatures. They never cherished what they had. It was only after they’d lost what they had that they would regret it terribly.
Jian Zihan had also been coming to the hospital regularly. Every time he came to the hospital, Yi Ze would look at him as one would a rival-in-love. If it was before he had fallen in love with Xie He, Jian Zihan would look up at the sky and laugh three times. Who would have thought that one day, he and Yi Ze would be as incompatible as fire and water? He couldn’t be happier to have shed himself of this annoying pest!
However, when he thought about how the person, who had turned them into rivals-in-love, was about to die, there would only be sorrow and powerlessness left inside of Jian Zihan’s heart. He didn’t even have the desire to bicker with Yi Ze.
He knew how much Yi Ze didn’t like him now. Therefore, when Jian Zihan received a call from Yi Ze to go and take care of Xie He more, he was really surprised.
When Jian Zihan asked why, Yi Ze only said: Minghui is happier with you. It’ll be good for his treatment.
Jian Zihan did not ask him anything else.
Today, when Xie He came out of his chemotherapy session, Jian Zihan was waiting for him outside.
After the first few days, Jian Zihan had stopped displaying his grief. He knew that feeling sad would be of no use. It would only make him and Xie He feel sad together. Therefore, he would always maintain a smile. Jian Zihan said, “I have good news for you today.”
Xie He asked, “What?”
Jian Zihan said, “The preliminary editing of the movie you were filming before has already finished. I asked the director for a copy. Do you want to see it?”
He had personally seen how much effort Xie He had put into filming this movie. Therefore, he thought that the other would probably want to see it. After all, it was his last film.
Who would have expected that Xie He’s expression would change and that he would lower his gaze and indifferently say, “No need. There’s nothing good about it.”
Jian Zihan was startled. Nonetheless, he would comply with whatever Xie He wanted right now. Since Xie He didn’t want to see it, he would not mention this again. He smiled. “If you don’t want to see it then that’s that. Let’s watch something else.”
Xie He smiled, “OK.”
Jian Zihan was indeed a very gentle and considerate person. Moreover, he was humorous and witty. As long as he wished to do it, he could chat happily with anyone.
The gloominess in Xie He’s eyes dissipated a lot while he was with him. Jian Zihan was like sunshine at dawn. He had the ability to warm one’s heart.
Yi Ze had secretly come over a few times and had seen how Xie He smiled without restraint in front of Jian Zihan. His heart felt like it had been stabbed by a knife. Because this had happened too frequently, his heart had already gone numb.
It turns out that the person who could best make Xie He happy was Jian Zihan….But it was originally supposed to be him….
Jian Zihan was attentive. He discovered that Xie He really liked to hear him talk about his university experience. Therefore, he spoke about it a lot. He even specifically went home to search for a photo album from his time in university and brought it over so that Xie He could look at it.
Indeed, Xie He was very interested. With one look, he was able to single out Jian Zihan’s photo. He smiled. “This is you, ba.”
Jian Zihan laughed, “Yes. We really look alike, ah. You were able to find me so quickly.”
Xie He’s eyes curved into a smile. With a little pride, he said, “Yes. I was also really handsome back then. Although my family circumstances weren’t very good, the girls had secret crushes on me and would write me love letters when I was in school, ne. That time, ah…everyone was really pure….”
Jian Zihan beamed. “If I had met you a bit earlier, I would have definitely succeeded in winning you over. If us good-looking fellows got together, the young ladies would definitely have become sad and dejected.”
Xie He said, “No, ah. They would definitely ship us.”
Jian Zihan pondered over this. A while later, he said with a serious expression, “That makes sense. Actually, we look alike to the point where it looks like we’re predestined to be together, ah.”
That made Xie He laugh. He lowered his head again and continued to flip through the photo album. Suddenly, his gaze paused on something and his movements paused.
It was a photo taken outside of a library. Several men stood together. To the left of Jian Zihan was a tall man with sharp features. One of his hands were shoved into his pocket and he stood there with a languid posture, head slightly turned towards Jian Zihan.
Xie He’s hand trembled.
Jian Zihan noticed this and his expression changed. It was Yi Ze. He and Yi Ze did not take many photos together. At that time, Yi Ze had been pursuing him and they had taken a photo together outside the library in passing. Because there were other former classmates in the photo with whom he had gotten along well, he had kept the photo.
Jian Zihan was steady in bearing. He didn’t show any nervousness and only casually said, “This is Yi Ze. We were schoolmates.”
Xie He nodded, voice hoarse. “I know.”
Jian Zihan felt distressed for Xie He but also jealous. Even now, Yi Ze could still influence Xie He’s mood so easily. No one could replace him in Xie He’s heart. Jian Zihan paused and then said with a feigned, relaxed tone, “Do you want to hear stories about him? Yi Ze was a famous person at our school back then.”
Xie He was silent for a while and then said, “Forget it. There’s nothing to hear.”
Jian Zihan gazed at him profoundly. The emotions in his heart stirred and he suddenly said, “Minghui, I’ve always liked you. Even now, I like you. You should know this, ba.”
Xie He immediately looked fluster. “Mm…hm….”
Jian Zihan placed his hand around the back of Xie He’s head, pressing their foreheads together. He looked into Xie He’s eyes and said, “You should also know why I’m here, ba.”
Xie He looked nervous.
Jian Zihan chuckled quietly. “Actually, I’m not a saint that’s worthy of admiration. Nor am I doing this for your own good. Actually, I’m also pretty selfish and will only treat the person I like well. And I will also hope that the person I like will like me back. So…can you like me back?”
Xie He lowered his gaze helplessly, “I…I don’t have much time left….”
Jian Zihan felt his heart sting. However, his tone was still easy, “Then we’ll grab ahold of the time we have. How can you leave this world so young, without ever having dated? It’s really too regretful. How about we give it a go? We can watch movies together, take walks together, eat together—everything lovers do, we’ll do. Isn’t the point of our existence to enjoy the present? I’m not boasting or anything, but I think that I would definitely make for a good boyfriend.”
Xie He pursed his lips. A long time later, he said, “You don’t have to do this for me.”
Jian Zihan said, “It’s not for you, but for myself, ah. It was so difficult for me to find someone I liked. Now, I haven’t managed to successfully court you and you’re already at death’s door. I can’t resign myself to this.”
Xie He stared at him.
At such a close distance, all of the emotions in the other’s eyes could be seen at a glance. The gaze Jian Zihan used to look at him was full of unconcealed deep love.
Xie He felt like his heart was lightly hit by something. If he rejected him, wouldn’t that be too cruel? Moreover, he was about to die. Why should he care anymore? Xie He suddenly smiled and said, “OK, ah.”
Immediately, pleasant surprise emerged in Jian Zihan’s eyes. He was a grown man and yet he looked like a happy child. He spun around a few times on the spot and then quickly placed a kiss on Xie He’s face, “I’m really, really happy!”
Xie He chuckled. Jian Zihan had done so much for him. He was very happy that he could make the other happy.
It was just that…Yi Ze probably wouldn’t be happy, ba. After all, he liked Jian Zihan so much. However, Xie He soon threw this thought to the back of his mind. So what if he was unhappy? He only wanted to make the person who cared about him happy right now.
He no longer wanted to live his life for Yi Ze.
Like Jian Zihan, it wasn’t a big deal to just give this a try.
Jian Zihan was exuberant as he spoke to Xie He, “Let’s go watch a movie today, ba!”
Xie He nodded.
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When Yi Ze received news of this, he shoved all of the things off of his desk in a fit of anger, causing them to clatter onto the ground! Only after a long time was he finally able to calm down. He told himself that he couldn’t be rash. It was precisely because he had acted impulsive out of jealousy that he had ended up doing so many regretful things! Therefore, he could not be rash!
So long as Xie He was happy, then it didn’t matter who he was with, ne….
But why…did his heart hurt so much….
Yi Ze shut himself at home for two days. He was obviously hurting so much he would rather die, but still he could not let pass up any information related to Xie He.
Today, Xie He went to the movie theatre with Jian Zihan. They also went on a stroll together. Xie He and Jian Zihan ate outside…. Yi Ze looked at these photos and comments and imagined that the person with Xie He right now was him….Only by imagining this was he able to continue to control himself.
In contrast to Yi Ze, Jian Zihan was recently experiencing an unprecedented period of satisfaction and bliss.
They were like normal lovers living a normal lovers’ life. Jian Zihan felt that every day, he was immersed in his anticipation and nervousness towards their date. He was thirty-something years old but because of love, he felt like he had become eighteen once more. He had never thought that he would regain this feeling.
Xie He was just like how he pictured his ideal lover to be. He was gentle, witty, kindhearted and loyal.
They could chat happily together and they didn’t differ in their worldviews. Occasionally, there would be some places where their opinions differed, but they could talk about these topics calmly. They would not fight over a trifling matter or misunderstanding.
As long as he was with Xie He, Jian Zihan would feel extremely happy.
The only thing that he found regrettable was that Xie He’s body wasn’t well. They could not go out for long. Therefore, Jian Zihan treasured every second, every minute they had together even more.
Today, Jian Zihan took Xie He back to the hospital. He couldn’t help himself from pushing him against the wall and giving him a kiss.
Xie He froze for a second. Then, he slowly relaxed his body and raised his head. This tacit approval made Jian Zihan even less able to suppress the love in his heart. He couldn’t help but deepen their kiss.
“I love you.” Jian Zihan’s lips were pressed against Xie He’s ears. He hugged Xie He and couldn’t help but repeat himself with a voice overflowing with deep affection, “I love you….”
If they could be like this forever, how good would that be….
If time could stop here, how good would that be….
【Ding, Jian Zihan’s Favourability Value +3. The current Favourability Value is 98.】
“I—I need to rest now…” Xie He said softly, rather embarrassed. He didn’t dare raise his head to look at Jian Zihan.
Jian Zihan looked at him with a soft gaze. “I’ll come see you tomorrow.”
“OK,” Xie He said.
Xie He returned to his hospital room. A sliver of sadness emerged in his eyes….It shouldn’t be like this. It shouldn’t be like this. Just now, when Jian Zihan kissed him, he had unexpectedly thought of someone else. He had tried to accept Jian Zihan but he couldn’t….
Xie He sat in silence for a while. In the end, his eyes fell on the DVD that had been casually placed near the television. He shut his eyes and seemed to hesitate for a long time. In the end, he put the DVD into the DVD player.
Following some music, the movie began.
This was his last film. He would not even be alive on the day it screened.
Xie He watched it by himself in his hospital room. He watched as another version of himself met and parted with the person he loved….He watched the last scene—how the other him held and kissed the man he loved, and revealed a radiant smile.
You’ll regret it. You’ll never find another person who will love you as I loved you. However, I will never regret having loved you. I will forever hold onto this love until the day that I die.
Xie He subconsciously touched his face. He didn’t know when, but tears had begun to stream down his face.
Yes, how could he regret, ne…. He would never regret loving Yi Ze. He loved him so much but the other never loved him. Therefore, he couldn’t even say such words to him. His love contained so much self-inferiority that even he himself looked down on it.
However, even if it was like this, he would hold onto this love until the day that he died.
When Jian Zihan had kissed him, he could no longer ignore this thought. He could not love anyone else.
Xie He turned his head and discovered that the unlocked door to his hospital room had been pushed open. Jian Zihan had been standing there since who-knows-when. There was a bag in his hands. It was the couple hats that they had bought today. He had forgotten to take them out of his car. After leaving, Jian Zihan noticed this so he went back to give it to Xie He.
While Xie He was watching the movie, Jian Zihan was watching him.
Jian Zihan slowly walked over. When he saw the guilt and apology intertwined in Xie He’s eyes, he smiled, free and unrestrained. “Why are you crying? Did you cry because the you on the screen is handsome enough to bring tears to your eyes?”
Xie He looked at him despondently. “I’m sorry.”
Jian Zihan reached out to gently wipe away his tears. He said, “Why are you saying that you’re sorry? You’ve done nothing to apologize for. It’s me who should apologize to you. I didn’t think about how you would feel. I was stubborn in wanting you to love me. Love is not a commodity to be exchanged.”
Xie He felt even worse. “No, you did it for me….”
Jian Zihan said, “I told you that I’m not worthy of any admiration. I’m extremely selfish. I did it for myself. You don’t have to feel responsible.”
When he said this, he laughed involuntarily, “Ai, I never thought that we’d break up so quickly. I’m really reluctant to part. If I were to beg you not to leave me, you’d definitely agree because you’re such a good person. But if I do that, I’d be too despicable.”
Xie He looked at him helplessly. “Don’t joke around.”
Jian Zihan gave him a firm look. “You can’t take away my right to joke as well.”
Xie He said, “OK….”
Jian Zihan nodded, pleased. “Go to sleep early. I won’t bother you anymore.”
Jian Zihan walked out again and then shut the door, acting as if nothing had happened.
Only, he had only taken a few steps before he slumped against the wall, as if all the strength had drained out of his body. His clenched hands trembled slightly.
What joke…? It wasn’t a joke at all….
It was his true thoughts.
He didn’t want to let go. If begging could make the person he loved stay, then he would put down his dignity and beg. If Xie He could live…as long as he could make him stay by his side, he would even resort to despicable methods….After having him, he was even less willing to let go.
But he couldn’t do this….He couldn’t watch the person he loved leave this world with regrets. His only wish right now was for the person he loved to have his wishes fulfilled.
【Ding, Jian Zihan’s Favourability Value +2. The current Favourability Value is 100.】
【444：Did you purposely leave that in the car? ( ⊙o ⊙)】
【Xie He：Baby, you’ve recently become smart. Smile.JPG】
【444：O(∩_∩)O~】
【Xie He：HanHan is really as considerate and gentle as ever, ne. It’s time for ZeZe to come back. Dad misses him a bit.】
【444：……】
Although he didn’t really understand, the feeling of seeing Host dada being able to make people come and go at his will was really great, ne~ As a system who has never had to worry about his host, his mentality had always been very youthful. \(≧▽≦)/
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After Jian Zihan left the hospital, he didn’t return home. Instead, he went to Yi Ze’s.
Yi Ze didn’t think that Jian Zihan would come see him. Moreover, it was so late. He let Jian Zihan in with a dark expression. Right now, no matter how he looked at this person’s face, he would find him irritating to the eye. How could Yi Ze have been interested in such a person in the beginning? If Jian Zihan had come back, so be it, but why did he have to actually go and steal his wife! What ‘we’re so alike we must be predestined to be together’?! Whenever Yi Ze thought about this, he would become filled with rage!
“What do you want?” Yi Ze’s attitude was extremely cold.
Jian Zihan’s mood also wasn’t good. When rivals-in-love met, they would become especially infuriated. How could Xie He fall in love with this kind of person? He was even so hell-bent on him. It wasn’t like Jian Zihan had just found out about this, but he still felt unresigned. How was he any worse off than Yi Ze? Wasn’t it just that he had appeared a little late?
Although he felt very unresigned…when Jian Zihan thought about Xie He at the hospital—thought about the way he looked while watching the movie, silent tears streaming down his face— his heart tugged in pain. Finally, he said, “Go see him, ba.”
Yi Ze felt his breath stop. He looked forlorn, “Do you think that I don’t want to go see him? He doesn’t want to see me.”
Originally, Jian Zihan also thought this. He even deluded himself into thinking that he would be able to replace Yi Ze. However, reality had proven that Yi Ze was the one Xie He really wanted. He sighed and slowly said, “Go see him. The person he truly wants…has always been you.”
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【Xie He：Baby, has ZeZe come?】
【444：Yes! He came last night! He watched you sleep all night! \(≧▽≦)/】
【Xie He：My sleeping face is flawless today as well. 🙂 】
Xie He flipped over and opened his eyes. When he saw Yi Ze sitting by his bedside, his lips parted and he said, “You’ve come.”
Eve: Woot~ Exciting (personal news). I got accepted into grad school ahhh! It’s the perfect birthday present~ Also, I am now forever haunted by a comment Kara made. MLs watching XH sleep = Edward Cullen (?)
And~ song recommendation! It’s a great song. And this is prob lowkey how Zihan feels for Minghui. I honestly love Zihan. Note: A spare tire is slang for fallback guy/girl. That “friend” who likes you but you only go to them when things aren’t going well with the person you really like. I linked one with an English translation but I recommend watching the MV too! It made me tear up.
sere: asdf was happy for a hot sec with JZH