Snow Trace
I feel that Wei Tan's facial expression is not quite right, looking at him, a faint unease arises in my heart.
At this moment, Ah Yuan and the servants came in, carrying water. "Da Gongzi, Furen..."
"Get out!" Wei Tan suddenly turned his head and shouted.
Everyone was startled, and Ah Yuan looked at me anxiously before hastily led the servants out of the door.
Now, only Wei Tan and I were left in the room once again.
I stood in front of the chair, and the surroundings seemed frozen. My heart was pounding like "thud, thud," filled with both anger and suspicion, yet I didn't know what to say.
I thought Wei Tan would continue to erupt in anger, but he didn't. In the candlelight, I could only see his ever-changing facial expressions. After a while, he turned his head to the side and took a deep breath.
"Come in," he said to the outside of the door, his voice now calm.
The door was carefully pushed open, and Ah Yuan led the servants inside, deftly placing the water in front of the couch.
"No need to wait," Wei Tan said as the servants filled the water.
Ah Yuan nodded obediently, casting a worried glance at me, and then led the servants out.
"Bathe the feet," Wei Tan glanced at me and then sat down on the couch.
Though I was nervous, I didn't dare to be negligent. In a moment, I walked over.
With only one basin, I had to sit together with Wei Tan. I felt uncomfortable, fearing that any of my actions might provoke him again, so I couldn't help but move slightly away.
Wei Tan didn't ask me to help him take off his socks. He bent down, untied the straps himself, and tossed the socks aside with a few quick movements.
That spared me from having to test the waters. I also took off my own socks and soaked my feet in the basin.
Neither of us said a word, and there was only the sound of water being stirred at a comfortable temperature.
"About Xu Ji's pregnancy, I don't know either" Wei Tan suddenly spoke, "She used to serve my mother and was familiar with me since childhood. When we were in Luoyang, Xu Ji once cried to me about her loneliness and hardship. When Fuqin was reconstructing the military camp in Luoyang and Zhong Ming was in Jizhou, I asked him to visit Luoyang and check on the progress of the construction."
I didn't respond.
Wei Tan continued, "When you and I were still in Huainan, Zhong Ming had gone to Luoyang to supervise the military. Now, it has been three months since Xu Ji became pregnant, so it must have happened around that time."
As I listened to his words, I was surprised, and the previous doubts gradually became clear.
I am aware of Xu Ji's situation in Luoyang. Despite having abundant food and clothing, she seemed like a caged bird. Even though the household servants attended to her, she had to seek approval from the Steward for anything she wanted to do. She didn't have anyone she could order around independently, let alone someone to deliver messages to Wei Zhao and share her grievances.
If I were in her position and became pregnant, it should be a joyful event. But she didn't reveal it, why? As I traced back the timeline, it quickly occurred to me that it might be because I arrived in Luoyang.
Despite being brothers, Wei Tan and Wei Zhao's relationship was intricate, and even outsiders often gossiped about it, let alone Xu Ji. Pregnancy was Xu Ji's only hope to return to Wei Zhao's side, but she didn't believe anyone, and she was even more cautious than I was.
Crying to Wei Tan was indeed a crucial step. Although Xu Ji didn't confess directly to Wei Tan, she used their old friendship to evoke his sympathy, and he helped her to meet with Wei Zhao.
Xu Ji is very clever, and her various calculations and schemes are things I might not be able to do if I were in her shoes.
It seems that Wei Tan's good intentions were taken advantage of, and he has been harboring resentment without a place to vent it. Am I the scapegoat in all of this?
I feel truly unjust.
I still remained silent, gazing into the basin. The candlelight wasn't very bright, but I could see four feet silently submerged in the water - two dainty and delicate, while the other two were large and sturdy. Using my toes, I swirled the water and rubbed the gaps between my toes. Suddenly, the large foot beside me moved across, pressing down on both of my feet.
"Is there anything else you want to ask?" Wei Tan asked.
My heart had already settled, and I smiled, saying, "Qie has nothing to ask."
Wei Tan gazed at me, his eyes deep and dark.
"For you, I am just a Fujun, isn't that so?" After a while, he asked.
Upon hearing this, I couldn't help but wonder what was going on inside this person's head. When my husband expects me to devote myself wholeheartedly, isn't that enough? Does he also want me to treat him like a father and be filial to him?
I maintained a smile and replied, "Fujun treats Qie with deep affection and great kindness. Qie knows One cannot repay sufficiently. But for Qie, Fujun goes beyond just two words."
"Is that so?" Wei Tan murmured softly, nodding his head, and then turned away.
That night, Wei Tan did not hug me as he usually did.
As I lay with my back to him, just about to fall asleep, I heard him shifting, and he seemed somewhat uneasy. I wanted to ask what was wrong, but then I hesitated. Would speaking up reveal my feeling of guilt and inability to sleep?
Forget it, just go to sleep. I told myself, as I closed my eyes once again.
*****
The snow kept falling, one snowfall after another.
In the past, to boost the morale of the courtiers and remind them to remain vigilant and prepared for battle during the harsh winter, the previous emperors used to hold a winter hunting event every year before the onset of winter. However, since the chaos caused by He Kui, the Emperor himself has been struggling to maintain his positions, and the seasonal celebrations have long been abandoned. Now, with Wei Jue's recent victory and triumphant return, it is the perfect time for him to make a request for the Emperor to resume the winter hunting tradition.
There was no reason for the Emperor to refuse the request. On a day with clear skies and snow clearing up, the Emperor, along with the ministers and nobles, set off in a grand procession to the foot of Mount Mang outside the capital city, Yongdu. They set up camp and prepared for the winter hunting event.
During the winter hunting event, it was allowed to bring family members along. As Guo Furen was getting older and not fond of such bustling places, she chose to stay at the residence. On the other hand, I, along with Zhou Shi and Mao Shi, boarded the carriage and were accompanied by guards as we headed to the winter hunting grounds.
"About the winter hunting," Mao Shi said excitedly during the journey. "My Zufu once served as a military officer, and he told me that the Emperor's winter hunting is even more lively than the New Year celebration."
Zhou Shi chuckled and said, "My husband also mentioned that he would hunt a deer to show me." She looked at me and asked, "Has Tangsao ever seen Da Tangxiong hunting? I heard Da Tangxiong is incredibly skilled with bow and arrows."
I shook my head and smiled, "I haven't seen him hunt."
It's not just about not seeing Wei Tan hunt; these days, I rarely see him at all. With the winter hunting event and the need to supervise the soldiers' military training during the agricultural downtime, he has been even busier than usual. Sometimes, I fall asleep without seeing him, and when I wake up, the bedding beside me shows signs that someone has laid there, but it's empty.
It's difficult for me not to dwell on the difficulties of that night, but what can I do now? I've done my best, yet Wei Tan remains unsatisfied, and I have nothing more to say.
In the mountains and wild, there is a vast expanse of whiteness. The trees, devoid of leaves, are covered with snow and ice. From afar, the branches appear especially desolate in the winter's radiance.
Around the encampment, the tents were arranged neatly, and there was a bustling scene of carriages and horses with soldiers moving around. The noble figures who had been hibernating in the warm chambers were now wrapped in fur, rubbing their hands to complain about the weather while exchanging greetings with each other. In contrast, those who had a background in travel appeared much more spirited, carrying swords and bows, riding horses freely, and galloping around.
The hunting was set to last for two days, and both Zhou Shi and Mao Shi, along with myself, had to spend the nights in the wilderness. However, the tents were quite warm, and there were pavilions and terraces previously built by the former Prince Yong nearby. Many people arranged to gather there during breaks to brew tea and appreciate the snow.
When we arrived, I caught a glimpse of Wei Tan from afar. He was riding on a horse with Wei Ci and Wei Lang, engaging in conversation, but the crowd of people and carriages quickly swallowed them, and soon he was nowhere to be seen.
I also caught sight of the Emperor and Empress Xu. As a member of the Wei household, I had to go and pay my respects. The Emperor seemed to be in good spirits, donning a strong outfit with a long sword, which added a touch of heroism to his gentle and refined face. Empress Xu wore a silver marten fur coat and had her hair styled in a high bun. When she saw me, there was a faint smile on her face, and she inquired about Guo Furen's well-being with a few polite greetings.
On the first day, it was mainly for the hunters to practice their riding skills, and there was not much for the females to do. So, I and the other noble ladies spent our time leisurely in the empress's tent. There were around thirty ladies who came for the winter hunting, and most of them were young, just like me. Among them, two or three were Empress Xu's maternal relatives, who were married to families with a slightly lower social status. However, they were still able to converse comfortably with Empress Xu and avoided awkward silences.
After the formal greetings, Empress Xu and I didn't exchange any more words. She sat at the upper end, talking about her own affairs, while I sat at the lower end, keeping company with Zhou Shi and Mao Shi. It wasn't too lonely for me there. During the break and tea time, I overheard them at the upper end discussing the past winter hunting events in Chang'an and various interesting anecdotes.
"......Speaking of the past, what I remember most clearly is an occasion when the late Emperor set up a hunting ground in Zhongnan Mountain and invited the high-ranking sons of noble families from the capital to join in the hunting. When the prey entered the area, everyone else released their arrows, but Jiyuan Gongzi refrained from doing so. The Emperor asked him why, and Jiyuan Gongzi replied, 'The blessings of Heaven are plentiful, One cannot bear to take a life.'"
I paused for a moment and glanced in that direction. It was Empress Xu's sister who was speaking.
"I remember that too," another person beside her laughed, "At that time, the late Emperor praised Jiyuan Gongzi for his benevolence and rewarded him with gold and silk."
I shook my head inwardly. Ignorant women. At that time, Pei Qian had injured his wrist while wrestling with my second brother. But people always have an inexplicable tolerance for handsome and renowned young men from distinguished families. Such baseless rumors, even the late Emperor believed them.
However, Pei Qian is still Pei Qian. Even now whenever his name is mentioned, the women become noticeably excited and start reminiscing about the past.
"It's a pity that the war broke out afterwards. One wonders where Jiyuan Gongzi is now?"
"One heard he is in Huaiyang?"
"Huaiyang? What is Jiyuan Gongzi doing in Huaiyang?"
"Not sure."
"Of course, you all wouldn't know," a smiling voice chimed in, "But Fu Furen should be aware of it."
I was surprised and turned my head to look in the direction of the voice.
Beside Empress Xu, there was a young woman looking at me with a smile that carried a hint of provocation. Not only her, but many others in the vicinity also seemed somewhat familiar, yet I couldn't recall who they were exactly. They exchanged glances with each other or gave me meaningful looks, all resembling the demeanor of that young woman.
Empress Xu was busy drinking her tea and seemed to have heard nothing.
Zhou Shi and Mao Shi showed a slight change in their expressions, but when I glanced at them, they appeared calm.
It's not surprising; due to Pei Qian's troublesome connections, there are plenty of people in Chang'an who are unfamiliar with me and harbor ill feelings towards me. I have grown accustomed to dealing with such situations.
"What is Furen inquiring about?" I responded calmly, "If it's about Huaiyang, Qie is not very familiar with it; if it's about Jiyuan Gongzi, Furen's household is filled with court officials. If Furen wants to know, why not ask at home?"
The young woman's eyebrows twitched, as if she wanted to say something more, but Empress Xu smiled and spoke up, "Fu Furen may be in the Prime Minister's residence, but One leads a secluded life within the inner chambers. How could One be aware of affairs outside? Not only Jiyuan Gongzi, but few prominent families from Chang'an remain. Fortunately, with the Emperor establishing the capital in Yongzhou, we can look forward to the day of revival and prosperity."
With this statement, the tension seemed to ease, and the other women all smiled and praised Empress Xu's words. The atmosphere became harmonious and joyful once again.
Despite the various glances directed at me from the other side, I paid no attention and calmly refilled my tea, taking a slow sip. Unintentionally, our eyes met, and I locked gazes with Empress Xu. She was also drinking her tea, but after a moment, she looked away.
Leaving the tent, I noticed that the sun was already casting long shadows as it started to set in the west.
The soldiers lit torches and patrolled between the tents. In the distance, some people had returned from hunting and were roasting meat and drinking around a campfire.
The awkward conversation from earlier in the tent was best left unexplained. Both Zhou Shi and Mao Shi seemed to deliberately avoid the topic. I didn't feel the need to clarify anything and, as if nothing had happened, engaged in casual small talk as we made our way back to our respective tents.
I had originally thought that Wei Tan would come to stay overnight, but the soldiers reported that he had gone to the military camp for the night and would only join the hunting grounds tomorrow. This response was somewhat expected, and I wasn't surprised. After washing up, I soaked my feet to warm my body, and then I lay down to rest.
Perhaps I slept early, as the next day, when I woke up, it was still quite dark with little sunlight filtering through.
The tent was a bit stuffy from the burning charcoal all night. Ah Yuan was sleeping soundly beside me, and I didn't want to disturb her. Since I wasn't keen on going back to sleep, I quietly got dressed and decided to go outside for some fresh air.
"Da Gongzi." Just as I was about to lift the heavy fur door curtain, I suddenly heard voices coming from outside.
"Has Furen not risen yet?" a low voice said; it was Wei Tan.
"Furen has not risen yet… Da Gongzi is not coming in?"
"No need."
After a moment, the outside became quiet again.
hesitated for a moment, contemplating whether I should go outside or not. Then, I suddenly remembered the conversation from yesterday's tent. I cursed inwardly, thinking that if I continued to hesitate, my husband's reputation would be at risk, and those women would have the satisfaction of laughing at me for nothing!
With determination, I lifted the tent door and stepped outside.
A gust of wind greeted me, not strong, but it made me shiver slightly.
Two soldiers were standing by the campfire in front of the tent, warming their hands. When they saw me, they both looked surprised.
"Furen," they both greeted me with a bow.
"Where is Da Gongzi?" I looked around, but there was no sign of Wei Tan.
"Da Gongzi just left," one of them replied.
"Where did he go?" I asked.
The other one pointed in a direction, saying, "That way."
I nodded and without saying a word, I immediately headed in the direction they pointed.
As the sky was dimly lit, I walked briskly along the path, encountering only the patrolling soldiers and no one else. The snow on the ground, trampled by yesterday's activities, had lost its original color. I picked up my pace, and after a considerable distance, I could almost see Wei Tan's figure. Just as I was about to call out to him, he suddenly turned and entered a grove of trees.
I hurriedly followed him.
The sky was revealing a circle of orange hue on the horizon, and the trees stood tall and imposing, with their bare branches intertwining. The grove was not densely packed, but the snow obscured any visible paths. Only a series of footprints remained on the ground, quite distinct, leading forward, one after the other.
In the early morning, there was no one around, and I couldn't help but feel puzzled about why he came here. The doubt in my heart grew stronger. The grove was silent, as if it was hinting that something was hidden within. I suppressed the urge to call out to Wei Tan and carefully followed his footprints, silently moving forward.
The slender branches of the trees occasionally brushed against me, and I carefully maneuvered around them, afraid of making any noise. The footprints continued to lead the way. After what felt like a while, I suddenly heard faint sobbing. Soon after, two figures came into view through the thicket of trees.
My heart leaped suddenly, and I quickly hid behind a large tree.
It was indeed a man and a woman. The man was undoubtedly Wei Tan, and the woman wore simple attire, appearing like a servant. However, I couldn't be fooled by her face - it was Empress Xu.