Sesame Seed Ball*
麻团-mátuán
The two days in Chang'an passed in the blink of an eye. But for me, it felt as if two months had gone by.
Why is that so?
As I sit in the carriage, looking at the passing scenery of Chang'an, its former splendor and prosperity seem like a beautiful dream that vanished overnight. I still feel sorrowful, but not as disheartened as before.
And why is that?
I looked at my hand, holding the face of Ah Sha with his ugly mouth and a clump of black hair drawn across his eyebrows.
Last night, I gave it a bath and then dried it by the charcoal fire. The process was lengthy; after having dinner, I sat by the brazier and roasted it for a long time. The stuffing inside oozed some dampness, and water marks could still be seen when squeezed.
Wei Tan watched without interfering at first. When I was washing Ah Sha, he wore a playful smile and said, "Is Furen preparing for our future children? Very well."
I ignored him, and he started making tea on the side and took out a few books to flip through. But as time passed and it was getting close to bedtime, he grew increasingly displeased when he noticed I was still sitting by the brazier. He frowned and told the servants to take care of it for me.
I shook my sore arms and said leisurely, "Fujun must endure, for One should know that matters concerning children can be the most tiresome."
Wei Tan glanced at Ah Sha and said, "My children won't look like this."
I disagreed, "This is my child."
Wei Tan raised an eyebrow, "Your child is my child too."
"Oh?" I said, "What if the child is born looking like this?"
As soon as the words left my mouth, I felt a tinge of regret. As expected, Wei Tan was momentarily stunned, but then he wore a knowing smile and said, "Furen is absolutely right. We won't know how our child will look until they are born. Let us Weifu Furen (husband n wife) try it first ." With that, he reached out to embrace me.
I haven't finished my work yet, how can I give up halfway. I struggled and resisted, repeatedly saying, "Just roast for another half hour." We tussled for a while, but in the end, Wei Tan gave in first. Finally, he held me on his lap, and together we dried Ah Sha by the fire.
At that moment, the warm glow of the red charcoal fire reflected on Ah Sha's smiling face, and behind me, Wei Tan's embrace felt just as warm and comforting…
I took a deep breath, and outside the carriage window, the remnants of Chang'an Twin Pagodas had just passed by. Then, I shifted my gaze back to my arms, and after a moment, I softly said, "Ah Sha, if we have a new home, would you follow along?"
Ah Sha looked at me, its mouth slightly crooked. After a moment, its head moved, nodding twice.
****
After a few days away, despite experiencing both sorrow and joy, upon returning to the capital, I had a feeling as if I had just come back from a distant world to the mundane reality.
As soon as Wei Tan entered the city, he went directly to the military camp, leaving me alone to return home. When I paid respects to Guo Furen, she was engaged in conversation with Xu Ji, and as I walked in, I saw Xu Ji's face adorned with a submissive smile.
Seeing me approach, Xu Ji hurriedly stood up to bow and tried to step back. However, Guo Furen held her back, saying, "You are pregnant now, just sit comfortably."
I looked at Guo Furen and followed her words, saying, "What GuShi said is right, please sit comfortably, Xu Ji." After that, I bowed to Guo Furen and said, "Greetings, Gushi."
Guo Furen smiled and said, "Shao Furen has been in Chang'an for quite some time. If it weren't for Zhifu informing, Laofu would have almost been unaware of Shao Furen's whereabouts."
This is obviously to blame me for leaving without saying goodbye. I was upset in my heart. When Wei Tan left, he had already instructed someone to inform the family, so Guo Furen's remark was, in fact, picking on me. However, considering the proper hierarchy, I still needed to maintain the appropriate demeanor.
After a brief moment of contemplation, I calmly said to Guo Furen, "Er Fu didn't bid Gushi farewell before leaving. It was indeed improper. However, when Fujun departed, he did so hastily and ordered Er Fu to accompany. Er Fu dared not refuse. Gushi's guidance is well taken, and in the future, Er Fu will handle things properly, so as not to trouble Gushi."
I shifted the responsibility onto Wei Tan's shoulders, and Guo Furen looked at me for a while before softening her tone, saying, "It's good that Shao Furen understands. As the wife of the eldest son, One is considered an example for everyone in the family. One should be careful in One's actions."
I obeyed.
After exchanging a few more pleasantries, Guo Furen mentioned that I must have been through a lot on the journey and suggested that I rest in my room. I had no intention of staying any longer to pretend, so I bid my farewell and left.
Upon returning to the courtyard, Ah Yuan was the first to greet me, and upon seeing me, she appeared visibly relieved.
"Furen has finally returned!" She said happily as we entered the room.
"Miss me huh?" I smiled.
"Yes!" Ah Yuan replied cheerfully and then whispered in my ear, "You don't know, that day when we returned to the mansion, Guo Furen didn't look pleased when she heard you went to Chang'an. It was quite frightening."
I understood and reassured her, "It's alright. She is the matriarch, so it's natural for her to be strict."
Ah Yuan stopped talking, and after a moment, she seemed to remember something and had a mysterious look on her face. "That's right, Furen, there have been some interesting developments in the capital these past few days," she said.
"Oh?" I asked as I sat down, "What happened?"
Ah Yuan leaned closer and said, "When we were in Luoyang, didn't Furen mention to Jiu Furen that the Emperor intended to reinstate the imperial examination for XiaoLian?"
I nodded.
Ah Yuan said, "My older brother sent a message yesterday, saying that he saw Jiu Furen and Family in the street. They have apparently moved from Luoyang to the capital."
"Oh?" I was surprised.
Although I knew Qiao Ke would come to take the imperial examination for XiaoLian, I didn't expect it to happen so soon, and also, his whole family moved to the capital. I couldn't help but recall the day before leaving Luoyang when Jiu Furen mentioned the intention to have Qiao Ti marry into the Wei family. Now, it seems that their move to the capital might be related to this plan.
"Would Furen like to go and see them?" Ah Yuan asked me.
"No need," I smiled, "Once Jiumu settles down, we will naturally receive news from her."
Ah Yuan nodded.
"Also, there's one more thing." Ah Yuan's face suddenly became cautious. She looked around, then quickly pulled out an item from her sleeve and discreetly placed it into my hand.
It was a folded piece of paper, and I couldn't understand its significance.
"Two days ago, Zhao Jun came to visit," Ah Yuan whispered, "He brought a box of candied fruits, saying it was a gift for Madam, so I accepted it on your behalf. When I opened the box to take out the candied fruits, I found this paper stuffed underneath."
"Oh?" I felt an unusual sense of intrigue, so I asked her to close the door and walked to an indoor area to unfold the paper.
On the paper, there were some creases, and it only had four words written on it: "十五南庙"
****
At dusk, Wei Tan returned together with Wei Jue.
Wei Jue was wrapped in a thick fur cloak and entered the room with wind and snow, looking quite proud. To my surprise, Wei Rong followed behind Wei Tan, wearing a brand new brocade robe.
Guo Furen stepped forward to welcome them with a beaming smile.
"How is the Imperial Palace?" After the greetings, Guo Furen asked Wei Rong.
"There's nothing good about it. I've been there so many times," Wei Rong complained while warming her hands with a small stove, "It's so cold, and there's nothing interesting to see. I don't understand why they insist on making me go."
"Stop talking nonsense," Guo Furen scolded, "That's the Imperial Palace. If it were someone else, who would have the chance to enter?"
Wei Rong pouted, seemingly wanting to say more, but then she noticed me and her face brightened instantly. She quickly ran a few steps to stand in front of me and bowed, saying, "Zhangsao." Then, she extended her hand toward me.
I was surprised but smiled and asked, "What does Xiao Gu want?"
"Sesame Seed Ball," Wei Rong said with a playful smile, "Xiongzhang said he brought Sesame Seed Ball back from Chang'an and left it with Zhangsao."
"Give her two," Wei Jue said as he finished talking with someone outside the hall. He loosened his fur cloak and walked in, saying, "When she heard Meng Jing mentioning Sesame Seed Ball, she didn't want to explore the Imperial Palace anymore and insisted on coming back."
Wei Tan followed behind him, smiling along.
Wei Rong looked at her father, displaying a mix of shyness and nonchalance.
I bowed to Wei Jue and said, "Jiushi has gone through great trouble."
Wei Jue glanced at me and smiled faintly, "Ah Jin went to Chang'an? Is Chang'an doing good?"
I wasn't sure what he meant by "doing good," so I replied, "Chang'an is very peaceful."
Wei Jue nodded and exchanged a few more words with Wei Tan about Chang'an. Shortly after, Guo Furen announced that the meal was ready, and Wei Jue led everyone to the dining table.
I suddenly understood why Wei Tan bought so many Sesame Seed Balls. Once the snacks were brought out, Wei Rong and Wei An couldn't take their eyes off them and kept staring at them without looking away.
These past few days, Wei An finally managed to finish making the saddle, and during the meal, he was able to show it to others.
The news about Jiumu and Zhao Jun has been making me contemplate. I don't understand why Zhao Jun wanted to see me in such secrecy; it feels like there's something significant going on. As for Jiumu's situation, I also wanted to help Qiao Ke and feel that I should find the right moment to talk to Wei Tan about it.
Unexpectedly, Wei Tan was also well-informed. When he was changing clothes in the room, he told me that he had seen the newly arrived list of Xiaolin candidates, and Qiao Ke's name was on it.
"I inquired, and Jiu Furen has also arrived. Did Furen know about it?" Wei Tan asked.
I cannot easily disclose the source of the information I obtained while being away, so I pretended to be unaware and said, "Oh? Qie had no knowledge of that."
Wei Tan smiled and said, "Since Jiu Furen has just arrived in the capital, we should pay a visit to her another day."
I nodded, "It's entirely up to Fujun's decision."
When I went to sleep at night, I wanted to cuddle with Ah Sha as I used to do, but Wei Tan didn't allow it.
"Why hold it?" Wei Tan asked, pointing to a worn-out spot on the edge where some stuffing was coming out, "It's so old and has been dirty from the journey for many years. Tomorrow, I'll have someone sew a new one for you."
I think his explanation might not be entirely inaccurate. Ah Sha's fabric has indeed yellowed and become fragile over time, and it might not withstand the rough handling like before. After contemplating for a moment, I reluctantly put Ah Sha back into the box.
Wei Tan seemed to be in a good mood. As I lay back under the blanket, he embraced me and chuckled, "If Furen really wants to hold it, Weifu will make a compromise. I'll be the substitute and move my limbs as instructed."
I didn't want to hold him, but Wei Tan wouldn't let me turn around. He blew out the candle in one breath and then approached me closely.
In Chang'an, I wasn't in a good mood, and the journey was also exhausting. So far, we hadn't been intimate as a couple. This time, Wei Tan acted like a little child who had tasted sweet candy, constantly asking for it.
And strangely, when he nuzzled against me, our bodies entwined, the tension and caution that used to be there seemed to fade away. As I breathed heavily, my hands wandered on his strong back and waist, trying to respond to his kisses.
Wei Tan also noticed this change. He stopped, and in the darkness of the night, I could feel his burning gaze from above. I wrapped my arms around his neck, using my lips and tongue to seek out the source of that warmth. Wei Tan became excited, lifted me up, and rushed into my body even harder.
"Ah Jin..." Lost in passion and confusion, his voice became husky and hoarse. I could no longer distinguish between reality and a dream, feeling my body melting like wax in his arms, slowly melting into water…
****
"Furen, neck." As we got off the carriage outside the South Temple, Ah Yuan reminded me in a hushed voice.
I quickly pulled up my fur coat and glanced around, luckily, there was no one watching.
Catching a glimpse of Ah Yuan's curious gaze, I felt a little ashamed.
"Furen, why are there red marks?" Ah Yuan asked with great interest.
"Hush!" I glared at her.
Ah Yuan covered her mouth with her sleeve, suppressing her laughter silently.
The burning sensation on my cheeks intensified, but I acted as if nothing was amiss and let her follow me as we walked toward the South Temple.
Today is the fifteenth day, the exact time Zhao Jun left the message for the rendezvous. In the morning, when I told Wei Tan that I wanted to go to the South Temple, he smirked, "Seeking for a child? The temple and palace are crowded; the deities might be overwhelmed to care. If Furen seeks from me, maybe it'll be faster…"
After contemplating for several days, I finally decided to meet Zhao Jun.
I also considered not coming, but I have some understanding of Zhao Jun from Father's words. Despite being conservative, he is not a deceitful person. I heard that since arriving in the capital, he spends his days immersed in books and rarely interacts with others. The only time he appeared in public was during the previous palace banquet. For a person like him to secretly meet me, it is likely to be a matter of great importance.
The temple was bustling with people on the fifteenth day, as worshippers came one after another. In such a crowded place, it would be easy to go unnoticed if someone were to see us. This thought didn't bother me at all, and I paid no attention to it.
With the crowd bustling around, it was challenging to spot Zhao Jun. I looked around, and suddenly, a voice came from behind, saying, "Ah Jin Biaozi."